My wife and I are very happily married. I love her; she’s my best friend. She also has a number of chronic illnesses. She’s always had them, and she was very open about them when we first started dating, so it’s not like any of this took me by surprise. However, after almost 10 years together and 5 years of marriage, I’m starting to feel burnt out.
The main issue is I feel like I constantly have to be *on.* Ready to help her if an issue flares up. Ready to take her to the hospital or urgent care if she is suddenly ill (one of her conditions is chronic fatigue, so she’s more susceptible to illness and has a harder time fighting them off). And then I need to be her advocate in those scenarios where we do end up in the ER/urgent care. When we get back home, I need to be the emotional rock for her. She’s on my medical insurance through work, so if there’s ever an issue with a prescription not being filled, I usually end up being the one to get on the phone and fight with them.
On top of that, I’m also the financial breadwinner in the relationship. Again, this is a role I’ve largely held throughout our relationship, but for a variety of reasons I’ve doubled my salary over the course of our relationship while she’s taken a pay cut and isn’t interested in finding different work. Because of that, I’ve had to step in and take care of more bills that she’s no longer able to cover.
The result is that when she says “I don’t feel good” or “I think I need to go to urgent care” my response is resigned indifference. It’s not that I’m not concerned for her, but I just feel exhausted by the very idea of having to manage that process. It makes me feel awful, and there’s no way to explain this to her without making her feel awful. It’s not her fault she has these conditions, and she’s not a hypochondriac.
I’m just at a loss and I want to figure out some sort of solution before this starts to really harm my marriage.