Throw away account.
I (35M) just found out that my wife (35F) of one year has close to $15k in credit card debt on multiple cards. I knew she had some debt before we got married (first started dating in 2018), but she made it sound like it was only a few thousand dollars then. She apparently bought her wedding dress with a CC & never told me. She’s extremely embarrassed about it but couldn’t tell me how she’s actively working towards eliminating the debt when I asked her about it. She was able to tell me that some of the debt is accruing 25% interest, but I’m not sure how much of the total that is. She thinks she’ll just pay off the debt starting next year (she’s currently paying her way through grad school). Part of the reason she was embarrassed to tell me is because she knows how good I am about being frugal & conservative with my purchasing/lifestyle. I’ve certainly told her that taking on significant personal debt is usually a bad idea, but I’ve always told her that I would help her financially (which I have many times but certainly haven’t given her $15k worth of help as I didn’t know it was needed). I’m not as bothered by the fact that she took on so much debt, it’s more that she took it on over things she didn’t need but just wanted, & she didn’t ask me (her husband) for help first. I’m able to pay it off with money I’ve saved, but it would be 3/4 of my emergency fund.
It makes me hesitant to help until I know she’s not just going to do the same thing again. She also asked me how I thought her debt would have an effect on me, which honestly caught me off guard since she’s an accountant & deals with money all the time. I tried to explain that any unexpected large expense would now fall solely on me, but she just didn’t seem to understand the gravity of that scenario.
I know exactly how to remedy the situation (cut back on spending & pay down the highest interest debt first until it’s gone & potentially consolidate the debt to a lower interest rate), but I don’t think she has the self-control to be able to do that. We’ve kept out finances almost the same since before we were married (other than filing jointly on our taxes). We have a joint account that we both put money into & we keep a running tab of expenses we feel should be shared between the 2 of us & settle up monthly. It’s entirely possible we could make it to her graduation without any issues & then all that money could go to paying off her debt, but that’s a pretty big gamble that could have been so easily avoided. Her car has a ton of miles & will die any day, I have no idea what she thinks will happen then.
Any suggestions on what to say to her/the best way forward are welcome. Happy to answer follow-up questions as well (within reason).
**TL;DR: My wife just told me she has (what I consider) significant CC debt & has no real immediate plan to resolve it. I can pay it off (& offered to), but she doesn’t seem interested. I want to help but don’t know if she’d accept it (or if that’s a good idea).**