My boyfriend (27M) and I (25F) have been seeing each other for a little less than three months (it’ll be three months in 10 days), and we normally see each other three or four times a week. Weekdays we usually go for coffee or a walk, and I always sleep over one night during the weekend and stay the next day until 2pm. So let’s say Friday 7pm to Saturday min. 2pm (sometimes until 5 or 6pm). This schedule works perfectly for me.

Last night we had a conversation where he told me he wanted to see me more and he felt like lately we hadn’t been seeing each other a lot. This kind of threw me for a loop because I definitely didn’t have that impression, I thought everything was going great. This week is kind of unusual because we’ll only see each other twice (1 weekday in the company of other friends + 1 overnight) due to my dad visiting me. I understand him here, since we only really get 1 instance of alone time. However, I will also see him a second time – just in the company of other friends, we won’t be alone. This personally suits me, as I enjoy socialising with everyone present.

Last week we saw each other 3 times: 1 coffee/walk, 1 drinks with friends, 1 overnight stay (I stayed from Saturday midnight to Sunday 6pm). The week before that we saw each other 4 times (2 overnight stays + 2 coffees). This frequency works perfectly fine for me, and I was very happy with how things were going.

However, last night over the phone he basically told me that he would like to spend more time alone with me, and he feels we aren’t seeing each other enough. He says he likes hanging out with me in the company of other people, but he would rather it’s just the two of us. He also asked me if I had noticed that we had been seeing each other less, and I honestly told him that that hadn’t been the case with me. I thought everything had been great. Also, I quite enjoy hanging out with both him and friends at the same time because I see several people I care about all at once.

A big difference between me and him, however, is that he is very much an introvert and I’m very much an extrovert. Along with this, he moved to this city in February and doesn’t know as many people as I do. This often results in my week being very full – these past three weeks I have literally had a social event every single day, be it my boyfriend, my friends or my family. In contrast, his schedule is freer than mine and in general he has less social obligations than I do, so that’s also a factor.

My question basically is – how to move forward from here? Should I try to make more time for my boyfriend? Should he try to be more understanding of my preferences? Have we really been seeing each other too little? He is a great guy and I do care about him a lot, and he’s also my first relationship, so I really do want to give it my best. I’d appreciate any advice at all, thank you!

1 comment
  1. He sounds like a nice guy and he isn’t asking for much, he just wants to spend more one-on-one time with you. But we aren’t him. So, I think you should ask him what “seeing each other more” looks like to him. Maybe he just wants to hang out and watch a movie. Maybe he wants to go on a road trip. Maybe he wants to go on a hike. You have to ask him.

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