How do you not fall in love or get infatuated with anyone who shows you the slightest bit of attention?

3 comments

1. Personally, I try and think of my relationships like a set of scales. Healthy relationships are ones of equality, so the scales need to be balanced. I keep my emotions towards a person at parity with the individual, which means no daydreaming, crushing, and just generally having weird and outsized emotions towards someone who is just being cool to hang around.

   To keep in mind though, relationships only progress in depth and intimacy when one person moves it forward, or else absolute equality would just mean I stay acquaintances with everyone until time stops. But I’m careful to only gradually increase my honesty and vulnerability with another person, but I will go no further until that vulnerability is acknowledged and reciprocated.

   Sorry I don’t know if that makes sense. I haven’t tried to put it into words before.

2. One way would be build your self concept and self worth. Understand that if this is your pattern, you probably are obsessed with the attention, and perhaps not the person. Try to seek out why you might be craving this attention – is it because you grew up with a sense of deprivation in some aspect that you are getting a high off of by getting that kind of attention from these people? What are your intentions?

   Another way would be to figure out the goals of the other person with you. What are their intentions? Are they noble? Are they just trying to lure you in to get what they want and then toss you out? Think long term instead of short term gratification. It is all about your ego here.

3. While it’s nice that one gets attention, the consistency is important and that’s what sets it apart from lasting relationships. Most attention givers are just being overtly friendly. That’s just their nature. Remember they do that to almost everyone, you ain’t special. It helps to ground oneself immediately and seek better, lasting relationships that consistently want to be with you and realistically enjoy your company even if it’s just sitting in silence with one another.