I (28F) have a friend (29F) that considers me their best friend, and to put things politely, best friend is the last thing that I would consider her as.
I’m going to refer to her as Jane in the discussion.
I first met Jane in the first year of secondary school (aged 11) and essentially only became friends as we were sat next to each other on the first day. Throughout the years of school I became friends with lots of other people, whereas Jane only made one other real friend – It might be worth adding that throughout school, kids didn’t really want to be her friend as they found her a bit weird, bossy and stroppy. For this reason, I always kinda felt bad for her and kept her as a friend and would occasionally do things outside of school with her like sleepovers and trips to the shops.
Throughout secondary school, I mainly hung out with a different friendship group and she stuck with this other friend that she made, and towards the end drifted a little more apart. However, when we went to uni, we started up conversation again and continued meeting up (at the time I didn’t mind).
However, in the last couple of years, I have decided that Jane isn’t somebody that I would like to have in my life anymore, or at least wouldn’t mind her being in it if she wasn’t so clingy and child like.
The problem is, Jane is quite bossy but also needy, and bases her idea of what friendship should be from teenage films and hasn’t grown out of that school mentality (maybe because she doesn’t have much experience with true friendships). She is constantly asking me to come for sleepovers still at her parents house (she lives at home with them) and does not take no for an answer, telling me that “we can spend proper time with each other” and that “a day isn’t enough”. For me, a day is more than enough, especially when I have other commitments in my life such as my boyfriend, family, work and friends I would actually like to see, plus I am nearing 30, the last thing I want to be doing is coming over for sleepovers in your retired parents home (which is also a 2h drive for me). She also expects gifts on her birthday and public holidays, and sends me links to things that she wants me to buy her (I am not in any way well off).
She constantly refers to me as bestie or makes comments about us being best friends (I never refer to her as this), and will pop up with messages like “hey bestie”, “how is my bestie doing?” – I know it sounds bad but this really grates on me, she will do it publicly on my Facebook and it feels as though she’s trying to publicly claim me as hers.
If I don’t respond within a couple of hours to messages, she will follow up again with questions and quite frankly just doesn’t take a hint of me not wanting to speak to her.
The worst part is, I never initiate any conversation with her on text, it’s always her popping up, and I feel guilt and dread everytime I see her name come up.
She gets very jealous when my attention is elsewhere and not on her, for example if I happen to pull my phone out to reply to a message that cannot be ignored (whilst neither of us are in conversation as I know that would be rude), she will see me focused on trying to quickly respond and will chose that moment to start a conversation with me, then get annoyed saying “are you even listening to me?”
She’s pretty much told me that if I were to get married that she would be my maid of honour/ chief bridesmaid (I wouldn’t even want her to be at the wedding)
I could go on with a list of reasons why I don’t want us to be friends anymore, but to cut an already long story short, how do you end a friendship with someone that doesn’t really have any friends, and considers you as their best friend.
The slow replies/ me not responding to messages do not seem to be a big enough hint.
And AIAA for trying to cut someone off that doesnt have many friends and is not getting any of the hints I’ve given?
I do not want to hurt her feelings so any gentle suggestions would be greatly appreciated.