Me (24F) and my fiancé (25M) have been together for a little over 4 years. There was such a spark in the beginning – our relationship just seemed to come naturally. Now, four years later, it just feels like anything I ask him to talk about (future and current joint finances, wedding planning, etc.) other than his video games/his interests creates nothing but fights. He also doesn’t care to ask about my interests at all, no matter if I start the conversation.
To that extent, I also feel like the spark to our relationship is gone. I’ve expressed that I could be a better person and that nobody is perfect, but in order for a marriage (or a relationship) to work, we have to work as a team. Anytime I bring this up, it causes a fight where he says that if I have respect that I would not bring any of this up.
Also, I tend to have an avoidant personality. I will do anything to avoid any screaming, voice raising, etc. where possible. My partner knows this and understands the personal trauma related to it. I just feel like he is in a very bad mood everyday, and I constantly ask what I can do better/change, but no matter how much I change I can never be good enough for him. Note: I’ve tried to sit down with him multiple times to tell him this, but it tends to go in one ear and out the other. At this point, I sound like a broken record. He says he has changed, but to be honest, not a lot has changed (if any) over these past 8 months of me trying to talk to him about all of this.
I’m scared to get married and for this to effect me more than it already has. I just feel drained and emotionally numb. But, I love the way we used to be before we moved in together. I truly miss that. But, will those feelings ever come back? I really don’t want to lose him.
Any advice here is welcome and extremely helpful!