My (29F) ex (34M) broke up about 5 months ago. We had been dating for a little over year, but a lot of that was long distance because before we started dating, I had already accepted a job in another city, and I made plans to move there. So after about 4 months of dating while living in the same city, I moved, and the rest of our relationship was long distance with pretty frequent visits. Eventually, the distance really became too much, and I decided to end things because he didn’t have any real plans to move to where I am living, and I had no intention of moving back home. He also told me he wasn’t sure he wanted children, which is something I want eventually. So we broke up, and we haven’t spoken much since then. It was really hard for a while for me because it’s not like he did anything wrong–our plans just didn’t line up.
I honestly thought I was getting over it, until I found out recently that he has been hospitalized for possible kidney failure. (We have some of the same friends, which is how I found out). Receiving these news really hit me like a ton of bricks. I just feel so sad, and the day I found out I could not stop crying.
I debating reaching out to him, because I wanted to show I cared, but I also wanted to be respectful and not bother him while he is going through a tough time.
I ended up sending a text basically saying “I know we haven’t talked in a while, but I heard about your kidney and I just want you to know that I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this, and I really hope that you’re going to be okay. I don’t expect you to respond to this–I’m not trying to bother you–I just didn’t want to not say anything.”
He did end up responding, just saying thank you and that he is going to be okay, and that he hopes all is well with me.
I guess the reason I’m writing on here is that I can’t stop thinking about this, and I wish there was something I could do. But at the same time, I also feel like there’s nothing I can do. I want to send him a doordash giftcard or something nice, but I feel like that would be breaking a boundary, so I guess I’m just going to not do anything else.
Has anyone ever been in a similar situation and if you have, do you have any advice? Should I just leave things as they are? Or should I send him something like a giftcard as a gesture? I don’t know what is appropriate. I don’t even know how he feels about me really, whether he’s totally over me or not, so I’m not sure how to take that into account.