This is more of a friendship relationship than a romantic relationship issue. Hopefully not a rant.
She’s toxic, and she stresses us out. She actually puts a lot of strain on our 5 year relationship. I need to end our friendship for the sake of my sanity and my romantic relationship. The thing is, roots go very deep.
Skip below for tl;dr
Ms. Toxic, as I will name her, has been my friend since high school. We graduated college together.
Ms. Toxic also worked with my Girlfriend in her first ever job, so we’ve all been friends for a very long time.
Ms. Toxic is actually the reason I’ve met my girlfriend, and she’s the best thing to ever happen to me.
Ms. Toxic is also friends with ALL of my childhood friends (some going back to Kindergarten, literally) so blatantly removing her from the circle is hard, everytime we make attempts to distance ourselves someone pulls her closer.
We brought up how she harms us and she brushes it off as silly and gets heavily offended, and makes us feel like horrible people. We’ve also listed these concerns with the circle, but they don’t understand.
We’re all very long term friends, and I think no one wants to remove her from the circle due to the history and leaving her friendless.
The most recent issue is one that stems from how she loves and craves male attention. She’s been flirting with our other mutual friend, who’s desperately looking for a relationship, but she only cares for his attention. She’s admitted to us she would never sleep with him and the thought disgusts her. He’s getting more and more interested as he gets lead on. For some reason they reach out to us, too.
Our circle is going on a vacation together, something we planned months before this flirting, and now my girlfriend and I just want to call it quits – but it’s slightly over $1000 we would lose out on.
We’ve recommended him not to flirt with her and to stay away, we’re not his parents we can’t tell him no, but he hasn’t listened. Now my girlfriend is upset at me because I made a joke to a DIFFERENT friend, that got carried up the chain to Ms. Toxic and Mr. Desperate, and it ended up bringing them closer. The joke, “imagine if he actually went through with emailing her a sugar daddy contract? That would be wild”…. And guess what happened when Mr. Snitch sent that screenshot to Mr. Desperate. He sent her a contract.
Do to my blunder, now my girlfriend is receiving texts like, “GIRRRRRRRLLL WE BOUTTA GET DRUNK AF BUT IF I TELL YOU TO KEEP THE ALCOHOL AWAY FROM ME PLEASE DO CUZ I MAKE MISTAKES AND GIRL I’M NOISY”, and she’s upset because… Well come on we’re almost fucking 30 we don’t want to deal with this shit, we’re not her parents, and the circle is just going to get really awkward.
At this point I’m on the fence of just cutting us out of the circle after this vacation, but it hurts my heart to lose so many other dear friends because we can’t seem to cut one out.
Any recommendations on how to proceed?
Tl;Dr
Our childhood female friend is flirting with our childhood male friend and it’s harming our relationship because they’re using us as guidance and support when we adamantly are trying to be the opposite, yet we’re afraid this would ruin our friendship with all of our friends.
2 comments
You should research the gray rock method. It’s a way to have people like this just get bored of you.
I think you should go on the vacation and try your best to stay out of the drama completely. Don’t give them any attention, don’t rise up to any of their behaviour, pretend it is the most boring thing.