I don’t really know why I’m posting. I guess just venting, and not even sure if this is a good spot for it.
I’m 35. I met and married my husband after a horrible stint of online dating, and hoped to never have to go through it again. As the title says, though, I’m a widow (thanks cancer), and as time has passed since losing my husband…I find myself lonely. So I tried online dating again.
Frankly, I’m freaked out over it. The number of males to females is apparently very high, so the number of men who message without reading details is ridiculous. It’s exhausting to sift through and converse with all of these men who, frankly, are wasting both of our time by going “oh wait, you’re a widow? Never mind.” And it breaks my heart, and makes me feel a bit more hopeless each time. I want to give up, and have so many conflicting feelings.
How do I find someone who can understand that I will always love my husband, and his family? I didn’t break up with him, we didn’t just part on good terms. I am who I am today because of him. I know it’s a large ask of someone to accept that; but am I being unreasonable?
How do I trust someone? Maybe I just have great luck with finding scammers, or assume everyone is a scammer; but there seem to be so many. I have a process I go through to determine if someone is likely a scammer or not, and it adds another layer of exhaustion or an already stressful experience.
How do I find someone to accept that I have not been with anyone since losing my husband? I’m “out of practice”, to say the least, and that thought terrifies me. I am upfront about it, because I imagine anything physical will take time for me. I am not someone who seeks out sexual relationships, like FWB for fun, I prefer to connect with someone emotionally before sex is on the table. This seems to be uncommon, based on the reactions I get for not sleeping with people right away!
How do I stop my standards from slipping? I don’t need much, I have a good life for myself and just want someone to share it with. I noticed that the longer I’ve been on dating apps, though, the lower my standards fall. I joked with a friend yesterday that I’m essentially at a level of “do they shower, floss and brush their teeth? Sold!” It’s not quite that bad, I still have a few things I stand by…But it feels like even those are making it harder to meet people.
I’m not expecting any answers, or to magically find someone without putting in the effort. I guess I just wanted to put my thoughts and fears out there into the world, since I’m still waiting for an appointment with a psychologist haha.
If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading, and letting me vent. ❤️