Trigger warning? Shallowness? Idk…
As a guy I’ve experienced years of backlash for valuing physical attractiveness and objectifying women. This wasn’t some decision I made by the way, it was just an inborn preference to value beauty. I’ve worked to become a less shallow person and value women deeper for other aspects of who they are, because people are not what they appear. But even in times when I have, and settled looks wise for personality, I was unhappy, and not being fair to my SO by looking at other women.
My point is, I feel like a lot of this inability to normalize objectification is bullshit. Mostly because I feel that women do indeed objectify men, but men are made to feel it’s our own problem. Especially with the way courting is from a dynamic perspective. Girls generally get approached by guys, and guys do the legwork to get the girl interested. So by nature, a guy is starting from a ground point where he thinks the girl is cute to some degree. On the other hand the girl basically waits until she’s approached by a guy she’s actually into. When this happens, IE: girl won’t date a guy because he’s short, girl won’t date a guy because he’s not their “type”, he’s overweight, not fit enough, etc. a multitude of reasons can be used as excuses for core reasons – they don’t find the person good looking but say it’s for his personality or whatever.
Anyway, just kind of curious as to why objectification gets such a bad rap. We all do it, guys don’t pursue ugly girls, and girls who get pursued by ugly guys either cut them out fast or have the idea that they’re okay with their not so good looks because they have other complementing factors.
It’s bs honestly. In any scenario you’re objectifying someone to a degree – why are we so hell bent on acting like this isn’t important to us and how can I approach this in a way that’s authentic but not offensive…I feel stuck with my preferences.
3 comments
Very few people in the real world think like the way you are explaining.
This is a terminally online mentality.
Everyone that I know is pretty aware that they are sexually attracted to their partner and that is what caused the initial interest.
Most people do not objectify others. Everyone wants to date someone they are attracted to, and that’s absolutely fine, you’re never going to have a successful relationship if you’re not attracted to the person you are with. But that is not objectification. There is a huge difference between wanting a partner you find attractive and chasing beauty and nothing else. It sounds as though you fall squarely into the latter category, and that’s pretty sad to be honest. For me, initial physical attraction quickly falls away if I can’t connect with someone on a deeper level.
Objectifying someone is not the same as being attracted to someone or valuing beauty. You’re allowed to be physically attracted to a person, that’s not the issue. Usually, though, there’s some kind of “chemistry” or sexual attraction between two people which leads to pursuit of a relationship. It’s not “ur pretty lets be boyfriend and girlfriend” unless you’re 12.