We’ve been together for a little over 5 years. I love him, he’s my best friend, and we’ve helped each other through a lot of hard times. He’s been going through some overall depression about several life things- mainly his job which he hates, but can’t leave due to financial reasons and needing the insurance.
He saw a therapist for the first time, and has actually been keeping up with schoolwork (went back to get a bachelors degree, another stressor) and keeping his room clean. Both things he really struggles with. I’m very proud of him, but the one thing he really hasn’t changed that also fell off is his hygiene. I have Major Depressive Disorder, and 1000% understand this as I’ve been through it… but a family member telling me (In not the nicest way I’ll say) brought me back to reality and got me taking better care of myself.
He almost never brushes his teeth, and just kissing him has become difficult and unattractive to me. His room and the room where we game together smell like straight up farts and sweat. Like just long term unwashed blankets and bedsheets. I don’t live with him, so I cannot really control this. He wears the same clothes to work multiple days in a row and I KNOW his coworkers HAVE to smell him but they’re too nice/uncomfy to say something. He does shower regularly, but his house is just constantly smelly. He’ll also leave food and plates lying around wherever which just adds to it. I’ve taken plates downstairs and put them in the sink before, but again we dont live together so this isn’t always possible.
I don’t want to be rude to him and just outright say “bro you stink” because he’s a sensitive guy and the “direct” approach just makes him upset. He responds better to a more “gentle” start of a disagreement… but I feel like there’s no gentle or kind way to tell someone they smell like ass. It’s affecting how I feel about him, and I’m becoming less and less physically attracted to him over this, but I still love him in every other aspect and want to make this relationship work. I can see myself marrying this man, but long term I don’t think I can be with someone who can’t take care of themself. Leaving him in a state of depression also makes me sad to think about, but if it were me I’d WANT someone to tell me!
Help 🫣😫😭
TL;DR: boyfriend has really been letting his hygiene go the last few months due to depression and it’s to the point where I need to say something, but I don’t know how to do it tactfully where I don’t hurt his feelings.