I (26M) have been dating my current girlfriend (25F) for just four months now. The beginning was great and effort seemed mutual from both sides, plenty of physical contact, ‘I love you’s’ etc. on a regular basis when going to sleep, when leaving each other – the usual.
We’d also see each other 2-3 times a week (admittedly we do struggle with this as she works as a police officer with weird shifts 4 on 4 off, 2 days and 2 nights per shift block while I’m your typical 8-5 Mon-Fri worker). She also has lots of friends that she likes to see on a regular basis on her days off. Therefore if her 4 days off fall on days where I’m working we only have evenings together (note we also don’t live together, we both still live with our parents)
Recently things have changed but I’m not sure if it’s all in my head. She hasn’t told me she loves me once in the last 3 weeks unless I say it first and then she reciprocates. Any type of affection has also cooled massively, she’s no longer affectionate, touchy feely, zero cuddles in bed or in person – I literally have to grab her and pull her towards me and she lays there pretty limp. If I try to kiss her she’ll literally purse her lips as if to say just a peck no more.
In addition this, last week she told me that she “wouldn’t be bothered if we only saw each other once a week” even though we’ve previously seen each other as much as possible, during which time she’d always be excited, looking forward to seeing me, and would be planning next when we’d see each other, all of which also no longer happens. This is a big red flag for me, as I’m at the age and in the position where I’m looking to move out of my family home with somebody that I’m hopefully going to have a long-term future with – she claims she wants the same but I don’t see how this can materialise if she doesn’t prioritise actually WANTING to spend more than one night a week with myself? She also said she will always prioritise her friends because, in her words, “they were here before you and they’ll be here after you” – which tells me she doesn’t see this as long term.
I can understand some of these changes happen in long-term relationships but not necessarily within the first 4 months where we’re still supposed to be enjoying ourselves and having fun with each other and actually wanting to see each other..
I need advice on what all of this means, as well as the best way to approach this subject with her. I’ve brought up changes like this that I’ve noticed previously with her and she completely shuts me down, tells me that I’m being draining and everything is in my head. It will then turn into an argument and she’ll be completely off with me. Thanks in advance.
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TLDR: Girlfriend’s level of affection and desire to spend time with me has changed dramatically over the last 2-3 weeks. What does this mean, and how do I approach this with her without causing an argument?
2 comments
Hello there,
It means she’s pulling back out of the relationship, either because she’s feeling too much pressure to go forward or some other reason.
And you shouldn’t even consider moving with someone until you’ve known them well enough (and the time frame I use is at least 1 year).
Yeah she’s basically noting out. She’s either getting it from somewhere else, falling out of feels or losing interest. Did you do anything?
Why is she saying after you like she is ready to x you out?