I (32/F) feel like I’ve really gone through the wringer lately. Here is a snapshot of my dating experiences from the last two months:
• **Guy #1**: Matched on Tinder. Dated for 5 months. Texted me this the day before we were going to have dinner to celebrate his birthday: “Hey. I enjoyed spending time with you but I’m not creating the emotional connections for a relationship. I really don’t want to waste your time.” Yep, a man of very few words. It was a bummer, but I was feeling the same way so in a way I’m kind of glad he ripped off the bandaid.
• **Guy #2**: Matched on Bumble a few days later. Had great conversation on the app, so I suggested meeting up and getting dessert together. He agrees but cancels the day before because he has also been “connecting with other people” and is growing a lot of interest in something else. He said he didn’t really think things through and was sorry that he said yes initially. He was very honest and kind. I wished him all the best.
• **Guy #3**: Matched on Hinge around the same time. I was excited with how well we got along on our first two dates. This was the guy I was alluding to in my previous post about us being “too sexually compatible” after we had sex on the 3rd date and basically used it as an excuse to say he’s just not that into me.
• **Guy #4**: Met a cute guy “in the wild” and got his number through a mutual friend. I asked him out for coffee but he wasn’t interested.
• **Guy #5**: Matched on Bumble. We had a fun 1st date that he planned (got tacos, ate them at the park, went to a cool used bookstore, ended the night with mocktails since I don’t drink.) We touched each other lightly through the night (a pat on the arm, his hand lightly on my back, etc), and so when we kissed briefly at the end of the night it felt like a natural progression. He texted that he got home but didn’t ask to set up a second date, so I told him I had a great time and would love to see him again. He said the same, so we planned to meet for our second date which yesterday. He lives an hour away, but said he’ll drive up to me. We went to dinner (I paid since he paid for drinks + food and made the drive) and walked to the nearby waterfront to sit on a bench together and catch the sunset. He didn’t touch me at all during the date except for a hug in the beginning. I would have initiated but I got the sense that he was rather closed off to it. Our convo flowed for the whole 3 hours though and it seemed like we were connecting! Lots of laughs, banter, curiosity about each other, etc. I just figured maybe he is slow to establish touch? But this is where things get really confusing:
We walked back to our cars at the end of our date. I was hopeful to establish some more contact here. Instead, he stood a good 2 feet away from me and said, “That was – yeah – a nice dinner. Thanks.” I smiled and said of course! Pause. I waited to see if he would say or do anything else. Nope. He nodded, quickly said “bye!” and turned to walk to his car. Y’all… you would have thought I had the plague. I was dumbfounded. My brain glitched. I think I got whiplash. Didn’t we just kiss on our first date? I got into my own car after saying “…bye?” and drove home trying to figure out what the hell just happened. I felt so utterly undesirable and embarrassed. Silly, almost. Clearly I was missing something. I don’t think I’ve ever had a date end with such outright rejection before. Usually if we both don’t feel it we just hug and go our separate ways. Lo and behold, not a text from him since yesterday. Point taken but still… OUCH.
After two months of rejection after rejection, I am exhausted. Not going to lie, self esteem is at an all time low. Usually, almost all my first dates lead to a second date with the guy initiating/planning before the first one is over, and ends with a hug/loooong kiss. SOME kind of contact. The second date usually progresses to a third, and so on. I definitely think I need to take a break from OLD to focus on myself and build up some confidence again because I don’t know how much more I can take.
How often do you take breaks from OLD? What is typically the straw that breaks the proverbial camel’s back?