My ex and I dated for 2 years and broke up 2.5 years ago. I broke up with her. At the time, I had my legitimate issues and concerns, but looking back feel I could have worked harder to work through them and done a much better job communicating.
At the time I felt she was controlling and manipulative, though not severely so. For example I found often that she was expecting me to fit into her schedule and plans, yet would accuse me of not making her a priority if I made me own plans while she wanted to see me. It also seemed that she would have a crisis of some sort suspiciously often when I happened to be at a party or on vacation with friends (we were long distance at the time before moving to the same city), yet would be relatively non-communicative herself when roles were reversed (which I didn’t mind on its own – she was busy with people after all).
The problem was that I let myself get resentful while barely trying to call her out on it. Towards the end of the relationship as the resentment reached a boiling point, and I reacted by getting really distant and hyper-independent rather than properly communicating, and eventually I broke it off.
We were both shattered. Since then we have never fully gotten over each other. After 7 months I got into another LTR with someone that I thought I loved, but never did, and that relationship ended about 3 months ago. In the meantime my ex got into a few casual relationships that also didn’t pan out for her.
We met up again a couple times after my most recent breakup, and about a month ago it led to hooking up and spending a whole weekend together. We told each other we loved each other still and she told me a day hasn’t gone by that she hasn’t thought of me. Truthfully I feel the same about her. We had a bunch of sex, watched tv, went on walks, got ice cream…
But we are both nervous to get back together. She is nervous because she felt I left her so abruptly the first time, and thinks I should take time to heal anyway. I am nervous that the same patterns might re-emerge. So after our recent encounter, we agreed to stop hooking up and go our separate ways for a while. But it only took a few weeks for us to plan to meet again, which we are now doing in a few days…
My heart feels so torn. Despite the bad parts I said about our first relationship, I truly think she is amazing. She was so loyal and supportive, that one doubt I never had was that she had my back. We had so much fun together and to this day can laugh and laugh for hours…I would truly do anything for her and feel like I should fight for us to be together again and be a better communicator this time.
I just can’t tell if I am being irrational and lovestruck. Does anyone have any advice? Has anyone successfully gotten back together with an ex?
Tl;dr Ex-gf and I hooked up and are still in love. But we each have reservations about getting back together. Do you think it might be worth trying?
4 comments
Have both of you addressed the issues that led to the breakup?
The only versions of this I’ve personally witness work out briliantly are a combo of:
1. (Very) young people breaking up and getting back together later
2. Both parties openly addressing whatever issues it was that lead to the breakup
Which isn’t to say this is the only scenario, just from my lived experience. Sounds like you have 1 checked of this archetype, do you have 2?
Go for it, you are already going for it anyway. She seems on the same page with you and even if old patterns re-emerge at least you know better not to bottle up your resentment this time.
Not to sound so cringe but this post put a smile on my face, don’t know why.
Yes, I have successfully gotten back together with an ex after 5 or so years! But then guess what, we broke up again, because we were still the same people. So…your mileage may vary.