Age: Both 36 Relationship: 5 months
I am friends with a couple of my long term ex’s. It’s completely platonic. One of them is from 20 years ago and we never engaged in anything intimate outside of our original relationship. I see him a handful of times a year, he’s from my home town, we have some mutual friends.
The other ex is an on/ off again long term partner who anytime we have been off are strictly friends. The dynamic of this relationship has been hashed out more recently the last time we broke up with a couples therapist who helped us weed through the pattern happening, grieve our relationships and end it. It’s always been fairly volatile and we have anyways been better friends than romantic partners . – also lots of mutual friends.
With my most recent partner he doesn’t want me friends with either of these ex’s. He says he knows it’s not healthy to demand this so he won’t. He also says he can’t do this relationship because it violates his core values.
I have always been transparent from day one about these ex’s and the friendship, offered this person to meet them if it’s comfortable. Offered to discuss, navigate and explore things if it’s a problem. Both of these friends have long term partners and we have a really openly communicative relationship where everyone feels heard and respected.
What are your thoughts? Is it reasonable for a guy to want me to cut the contact or is it different values? (He says he won’t demand this.. but also says that I know what he needs to stay).
TL;DR: I am friends with ex’s my new partner refuses to want a relationship if I maintain these friendships but says he won’t make me do anything. It’s just not shared values…
Help!