I (25) f and full time student, live with my bf (m,29) and he started to resent me over finances, starting fights often.
– As a student I told him from the beginning, that I’m not going to live in his apartment if he wants it 50/50 as it is quite expensive. He agreed on taking on more.
– So he paid more, I always contributed everything I had. Let’s say over the time I paid something over 1/3 to sometimes 1/2 of all the expenses.
In 2022 he wantet to study too, we discussed it and I told him we would be okay (As I would graduate soon). He did for a year and I took a full time job. What should I say, I faild my last exam in summer last year, resulting in studying longer. He dropped out, because he didn’t want to live that “frugal” for another year and could not take a part time job, because his course of study is “harder than mine” (his words). Now he always tells me with every opportunity he started working again because of me and I “put all financial problems on him”. Nagging that he wants to save more money and can’t because of me.
To be fair, I struggled to finish my degree – it took me longer than neccecery. I tried to explain to him how much I struggle. That he does not even bother to help out for some weeks with chores during exams is something I always found incredebly hurtful. He did not even touched the dish washer or the washing mashine in 5 years.
Now I’m left extremely anxious with this relationship. I can’t tell how often he says that “he works, I should do more” and everything is unfair in his eyes. My parents even invited me doing hollidays with them (they pay!) and he claims how unfair this is because “he is working” and I should not go.
Honestly, I don’t think I’m such a burden as he claims me to be. I’m doing all the house work, cooking, grocerys, driving him everywhere etc. And in case we separate, he will be left with the whole furniture and devices as he bought them + savings. I’ll be left with student loans. I wonder if he will help out with chores if I’m going to work full time this year.
TL;DR!
As I’m a student my bf resents me over not contributing enough financially. I’m overwhelmed with all the nagging, chores and part time job. I’m getting extremely anxious about the relationship due to his perspective. Honestly I cant hear the “I work you shoud do more”, anymore.