Firstly, I do love my boyfriend very much. But I also want a man who is ‘responsible’. First some context, we met online and both lived in different states, at the time I did not know, he lied about where he lived and his age. I came from an abusive household so when I turned 18 I wanted to move out, but later he confessed he lied to me when it got serious about moving in with him. Ultimately I move into his parents house with him and now live in another state away from all my family. I had to restart my college career since this new college I was attending didn’t honor all my credits. It was frustrating. Ultimately it’s been a rough almost 2 years living with him and his parents, and sister. I know for sure I have never forgave him for lying to me. So I started resenting him. Because of this when I got into my job, I started having emotional affairs I would say but never physical. I had a thing with one of my coworkers who I felt just understood me. More than anything I just wanted to have attention and have someone listen to me and my frustrations. Before you say I’m the bad one, I would often check his phone and he had suspicious messages, along with blunt messages saying how he wanted them and he wanted nudes. I called him during work sobbing, and he told me that all of it was a prank to see if I actually loved him, and see how I would react. Anyways I pay his mom rent money (400) I know it’s a little but I’m rarely home. I buy everything for both him and me, I got a car as well now. But I’m the sole provider it’s frustrating me. I work 2-3 jobs while I was with him, now I work a full time and a part time job on the weekend, I work everyday and I go to school for nursing. He only now got a part time job working 20 hours a week after I applied for him to get the job. He never seems to hold down a job because he thinks it’s not worth it or somehow he can’t do it whether it’s allergies or the work is not what he wants to do. But he does resale online every night(silver coins and other metals), he makes good money but he completely reinvests it and says that he is saving a small protein for our future. But then he will completely spend his paycheck on things he wants for his chickens or garden. He promised to pay for groceries but he hasn’t. Then he says that I choose to spend money on him, but every time we go out he doesn’t have his wallet or money to pay after I stare at him waiting to pay and he never does. He is also religious and I am not it has cause a few issues but not to bad. All I want is a man who has a full time job and can communicate with me emotionally. But he’s been the only guy who’s ever shown me love that’s not being abusive. I know he genuinely cares for me but I feel like he’s not mature for my needs. I really want to break up but I have attachment issues and fear I won’t make it with out him since I love with him and we live together and it’s cheap. I find myself often wanting attention from other guys because they always say how lucky he is to have me and that they want me because I’m also pretty but smart.
M