Hey there!
I (f29) am in a FWB/situationship situation for a while now (with m 33). We know each other for 3 years and that is also the length of the “relationship” with its various stages.
He called me this morning telling me he has enough of his job and is going to apply to change his side/weekend out of town job to full time. He doesn’t want to move there, but it would definitely be a huge change for what we have. We both need to (his words, as in if we don’t see each other the week isn’t going to be a good one) see each other at least once a week which even now is sometimes really hard to keep up.
Of course i want him to be happy and see that he is currently not happy with his full time job. I would be really happy for him if it works out because he really likes his weekend job. I want to continue to support him. It won’t happen over night of course but still.
But on the other hand I am worried what will become of us. I am one of those people that don’t reach out too much because of being afraid of being too much to handle (I spent most of my life in a toxic family situation and this is one of the results of this). I suffer from fear of loss (more or less under control right now but still) I struggle to voice my needs, sometimes even with him. He is much more direct and confident than i am but also a bit shy when it comes to voicing feelings.
He knows he means a lot to me and it was going really well in the past few weeks with him wanting to spend more time together and making time for “us-time”. Asking for my company when he doesn’t really want company (if that makes sense), trying everything he can to meet when plans change and being really sad when plans he made do not work out as planned.
We already made plans for the summer together.
I know this is really selfish of me, but how do I handle this situation? Asking him about this without sounding selfish and making sure he knows I support him etc. Should I wait until he tells me news about this? Or talk about it next time we meet (probably after the weekend). I also know I am not entitled to anything.
TL;DR big change Is probably coming up that will affect our relationship. How do I ask about what will become of us without sounding selfish while still showing I will support him?