Title is convoluted. I’m sorry. I’ll try to be as concise as possible.
Backstory: My friend “Sara” (F24) dated “Jack” (M24) 2-3 years ago when they were still in college. She was very happy with him until she met Jack’s female friends from high school one summer. Once she met them, she tried to befriend them and apparently they were very petty. I (F25) don’t know all the details since I didn’t go to the same college as Sara and Jack. All I know is that Jack’s friends didn’t like Sara from the start, they treated her like she was less than them and she didn’t deserve Jack, and when Jack didn’t stand up for her, they broke up.
FF to now: I’ve been seeing this guy, “David” (M25) whom I really like. He’s funny and we have a lot of chemistry and he’s incredibly sweet. We met at work but he quit before he asked me out. This has been going on for about three months and things are starting to get serious between us.
Yesterday David was telling me a funny story about his friend from high school, and that’s when he mentioned Jack’s name (he has a very unique name IRL). Between David having studied at the same college as Sara and Jack, and him mentioning Jack, things sort of clicked. I asked him if he knew Sara and he said yes, how did I know her? I explained that Sara and I were neighbours when were younger and stayed friends. Small world. I know.
Anyway, conversation drifts to something else and eventually David tells me that he wants me to meet his friends. He then proceeds to tell me that his female friends are kind of difficult to swallow at first, but that they’re cool once you get to know them. I don’t know what to say to that so I just nod. At this point all I’m thinking about is how Sara once told me that dating Jack was like being in a competition with all the odds stacked against you.
David and I part ways and I text Sara. I ask her if she knows David, she confirms. She had a couple of classes with him and he is Jack’s childhood friend. She asks why and I tell her. She goes, “oh no”. I prompt her to elaborate and she asks me how serious is it? I tell her that I like David a lot and that we’re very attached to each other and he wants me to meet his friends.
She says, “There’s no way to win with them. They don’t like sharing”. I honestly didn’t want to ask a lot about it nor do I want to go into a lot of detail since it’s not my story to tell, but from what Sara told me yesterday and over the years, Jack and David’s female friends are the kind of girls who are stuck in their high school era. They gossip and spread rumors. They judge everything about you. They tell their male friends who they should and shouldn’t date on pure “instinct” and a few of them dated Jack and David and another member of the group. They don’t like outsiders basically.
And you could try to argue that Sara might have not been so innocent, but I’ve known her for over a decade and she’s the sweetest most honest person I know. She literally becomes friends with anyone and is incredibly kind. So yeah.
Look. I try to not judge a book by its cover. But I had enough drama in high school to last me a life time. I’m 25 years old for god’s sake. I genuinely do not have the time or energy to entangle myself in that mess.
But David is…. Incredible. He’s the first guy I’ve ever actually opened up with. We get along great and I like him a lot.
I also know I’m dating David and not his friend group as a whole. I don’t want to throw what we have away, especially so soon, just because his friends probably already do not like me. Oh and not to be dramatic or anything but Sara is wayyy nicer than I am. If they didn’t accept her then I’m toast lol.
So yeah. Really I just wanted to ask what one does when the person you’re dating has overprotective friends? How does one deal with that? Is it not worth it? Do things get better? I know it’s a case by case situation but if anyone has any insight or experience with this, I’d really appreciate it.
4 comments
Just keep seeing this guy and cross that bridge with his friends when you get to it. Who knows. They might have just not liked your friend but love you.
Damm those friends sound so petty and pathetic. Theyre actively hunting on someone’s happiness..
If they do the same to you, you should really just say it to this David guy. “You ain’t goimg to get anyone with friends like that.”
The whole group sounds toxic asf – including David! Birds of a feather, flock together. Imo, no guy is worth all that drama and headache.
You should ask him what he’d do if they don’t take you very well? If he defends them, leave. He says he’ll defend you, don’t believe it until he acts on it.
Also, I get the feeling David and Jack are just dating girls “outside” to make their friend groups jealous. Who knows how deep their history goes
He knows there’s a connection now, so surely he knows what happened to break your friends up? Tell him you like him, and you’re willing to meet his friends, but if they’re likely to pull the same nonsense with you, you’re not going to play any games they start. But also reiterate you’re willing to go in with an open mind. If you have any chance of this working out, you have to trust that you can communicate with him. Also remember you’re forewarned which means you and David can go in as a team prepared for this.
Otherwise this just isn’t the right guy for you.