I am very inexperienced in dating and there is a lot of mixed messaging out there.
If a guy replies a short reply, the internet says that this is because he doesn’t like me that much. Others say thats all the message warranted. If a guy hasn’t asked you out, that means he doesn’t like you. But also it can mean he’s nervous or doesn’t know how you feel. If a guy is talking to a lot of women, you’re on the “back burner”. But I dont even necessarily find that to be a fair characterization. Life is short and we don’t know if these little dates we go on are going to go anywhere. I dont know. Isn’t it understandable to casually date a handful of people??? How do you know when to walk? Should you only date people who ask YOU out even if you really ,really like someone ?
I have a crush on my friend, and I know from my own experiences that it doesn’t feel good for someone to all out confess they have feelings for you in a dramatic way. It can put too much pressure on someone, so Ive never confessed beyond some small flirting here and there.
He hasn’t asked me out directly ,I wonder maybe blew my chance really bad around the time I first met him.
* One time I had a quiz, he ended up skipping his quiz to hangout with me but I would later go on to study and go to the quiz. I wasn’t going to cut it for a guy. I was super unapologetic about it. I felt like itd be embarassing to let your academics fall for a guy who probably doesnt like you. I dont regret going to the quiz but I shouldve been nicer to him. I just left lol.
* Another time, which is way worse, his friend asked me if I had a boyfriend or husband or anything. I said no. He asked do you like going out and meeting people? and I said yeah. And he said “well maybe you should get with him, hes single”. I totally froze and did not look at the guy I like. I was soooo insecure and I felt like I couldn’t handle him responding negatively to the prospect. I froze long enough that his friend apologized and changed the subject. I look back at this moment and wonder til this day if it was a set-up that the guy I like initiated, or whether his friend just forced him into it. The latter is what I had assumed.
He will sometimes send me memes or messages even if I hadn’t initiated talking to him much.
Me not initiating much was usually just me trying to “will” myself out of liking him and accepting that hes “not that into me” because he had asked out other women. But at the same time, he and I weren’t romantic at all (beyond some flirting, I guess) , he didn’t know I liked him. At the time it really , really hurt me that he went out with other people. He has flirted with me some , but some of those times I froze or anxiously stuttered and probably gave off the impression I wasnt interested . So I can’t blame him – but I also sort of sound like someone who is making excuses instead of accepting “oh maybe he just doesn’t like you”. I dont know! Maybe he does! Maybe he doesnt! Im not sure! He has said I’m attractive before, used to hug me for long periods of time. One time I got drunk and was grabbing his hands when talking to him, he reciprocated.
I’ve been trying to “will myself” out of liking him for over two years now and Im kind of over it. I feel like I just need to rip the bandaid off but I dont know how. I dont want to end up in a “situationship” either because that will probably be worse than my current situation – but I also dont want to do some big confession either.
I guess Im at the point where Id rather have “loved and lost” than to have “never loved”, but I also don’t want to do something silly and embarassing thatll regret.
TL;DR : I have a crush on my friend. Weve given eachother some pretty bad mixed messages. I cant tell the difference between “he hasnt asked you out because he doesnt like you enough to go on a date with you” and “he hasnt asked you out because he cant tell if you like him”. How do you lay your cards out there so youre transparent and know whether youre getting played?