How do I talk to my boyfriend (50M) about my (46F) issues with his porn addiction?

Our sex life is being affected by my boyfriend’s porn addiction

My boyfriend (50) and myself (46) have been together for two years. We are happy together but some things have been bothering me about our sex life.

He watched a lot of porn before we got together. Over time he needed more and more extreme types of videos to satisfy himself. So now he needs extreme fetish type behavior with me to get aroused. And I’m not a prude at all, but his biggest turn on now is scat…

It started with him dirty talking about it. And then he wanted for me to try it.. I found it to be really disgusting. But I didn’t want to disappoint him. And I was willing to do some of it every once in a while. But now he’s so super focused on it that every single time we are having sex now, he is asking me to dirty talk to him about scat.

And to me, it’s just really gross. I hate it and I hate that he’s constantly wanting me to dirty talk to him about it. For example he wants me to say things in bed like I love rubbing it on myself, and it smells good. This couldn’t be farther from the truth. He wants me to dirty talk about eating it. It’s a turn off for me, because I’m not into that at all. I’m really ashamed about it, but a few times I have done some of these things to please him, and I almost vomited doing it.

I’m guessing that some of you may advise me to break up with him. I really don’t want to do that. My boyfriend is so good to me. I was with my ex husband over 20 years and he was awful to me. He was a serial cheater and he destroyed my self esteem. He had affairs constantly. I couldn’t possibly count how many times I found out about them. Yet, I stayed. We had kids together and I lived a horrible sad life for many years.

Now since getting together with my boyfriend, I’m experiencing what it feels like to have someone who actually cares. He is faithful and kind. I don’t want to throw away a relationship that’s good for me over sexual issues.

It’s not just the scat thing. It’s the fact that our sex doesn’t feel romantic but more like perverted. And I’m not a prude, but sometimes I want romantic sex. I don’t always want to be treated like I’m in a porn video.

I haven’t said much to him about this. I’ve made some comments, so he knows that I’m not into that stuff. My fear is that he’s so damaged by his porn addiction from the past, that he won’t be able to perform without the perverse stuff. So I’ve been afraid to bring it up more for that reason. As time goes by though, this has led to some resentment towards him, and I don’t want that to continue.

I need some advice on how to resolve this. This man loves me and I don’t want to hurt him. At the same time, I can’t keep doing stuff that I hate. And it’s my fault that I haven’t been straight forward and told him that. I’m such a people pleaser that I have been going along with what he wants. We talk about getting married, our relationship is very serious. I want to fix this. Any advice would be appreciated.