I am f(25) and my bf is m(24). We started dating back in 2019. We were going good until he started asking me to pay his car payment. (This was my first relationship ever so I agreed Bc I was very naive). We went on like this until 2020 when his mother had passed away (she was his main provider). Since he ended up sick with the same thing she had I offered to work to help support him. So I ended up getting a full time night shift job working 40 hours. He has taken every single paycheck from me and has not even shared. He ended up going though a treatment and got cured around dec 2021. This is when I asked him if he could start working again. His excuse was “ I can’t I will lose my fafsa and medi cal”. I tried so many times to beg him to get a job. I’m tired of working night shift and my health is deteriorating. I have tried to talk to him about it but he just starts fighting with me by calling me lazy and blocking my number. What should I do? I feel super attached to him but at the same time i can’t do anything.
TL;DR: been supporting my boyfriend for a few years. He does not want to help me.
7 comments
Get away from him asap.
He blocks your number? Why are you with him? I would consider that equivalent to a break up. So, make it official, break up with him, and stop harming yourself for someone who clearly does not care about you.
The fuck? He’s a lazy pos. You work, it’s your money. Remove this access to your funds and leave. The consequences to him for not working are not your problem.
I would recommend three things.
First – escape
Block his number
get out of there and live on your own money
This will effectively force him to begin looking after himself but that will no longer be your problem.
Second – find a specialist therapist who can discuss stockholm syndrome and ptsd check in and make sure you aren’t going to suffer long term from these things and spend some time healing.
Shift the focus of your love onto yourself
Third never accept anyone who requires your money to be with you again
You could probably seek legal recourse for every cent but I think honestly you’re better investing that time in being away from this mooch.
You are his girlfriend. It’s unfortunate that he lost his mother but that is not your role. You should be equals, partners. You are not his caretaker and you don’t deserve the financial/ verbal abuse. You’re young don’t waste your energy working for money you don’t get to use for yourself. If you got sick would he get a job and take care of you like you have him? If the answers no he doesn’t deserve you.
You don’t owe him a cushy work-free existence.
Do you live together? If so, your first step is to get out of this arrangement ASAP.
If you don’t live together and he’s blocked your phone number, it sounds like he’s already ended things.
Do you have a support system to lean on?
Cut off his payments, change bank account if you need to and have a safety net of money for yourself and then leave him. You may have to stay with friends/family until you feel safe.
If you’re scared of him think of your safety first – so break up over the phone or ghost him (I only suggest that in abusive situations) after you’re already away from him.
What’s happening is financial abuse along with spousal abuse & manipulation.
I hope you’re safe and ok OP.