so my boyfriend is autistic and has diagnosed depression and anxiety. both of us are in therapy, and he’s been doing it much longer than i have. recently i’ve felt like i’ve lost a lot within the last 6 months – my childhood cat died, my parents sold my childhood home and moved countries, i’m living without my parents in a flat for the first time, my only sister (21F) hasn’t spoken to my parents in months and we have a poor relationship, and i’m having to mediate between her and my parents. my parents are also feeling pretty rough, they didn’t really want to seek the house nor move but they felt they have to and i know my dad is feeling suicidal.
i’ve been with my boyfriend for nearly a year now and i love him so much, but he can be hard to date as he gets upset when i do and we have very different needs – he needs a lot of space and i need comfort, and i feel that his needs get met more than i do. the therapy he’s done means he sets boundaries which i respect. i try not to talk about my situation with him too much and when i talk about it i make sure he’s in an okay mental state to listen.
i’m very aware of the fact that with everything i’m going through i’m a lot for him to deal with at the moment. i haven’t felt like myself in months, i haven’t been consistently happy for a long time, and i worry a lot about how i’m impacting him and our relationship. he’s told me i shouldn’t worry about it right now but i don’t know how long it’ll take me to process everything else so i don’t know how long this will be straining our relationship. i feel like he’s pretty much the only good, comforting thing happening in my life and i genuinely don’t know what i’d do if we split up. i’m around 2 years clean of self harm but have nearly relapsed often lately. i don’t think i could handle a breakup with everything else going on and i don’t feel like i have a good enough support system to work through that.
i want to know how to gain more stability in our relationship and how i can feel more supported even when he doesn’t have a lot of support to give. i know he’s doing the best he can but i can see how i’m affecting him and his mental health and i’m worried about him being influenced by my emotions. thanks for any replies 🙂
tl;dr: i’m going through a lot of family shit and my boyfriend gets upset when i do, particularly so if i’m visibly upset. when he’s upset he needs space and when i am i need comfort. his needs usually get met and i find that sometimes he can’t provide me with much emotional support. i’m wondering what i can do to feel more supported without pushing too much responsibility into him.