My wife and I are expecting or first child, and we shared the news with my immediate already as of Monday fully with my side of the im modulate family (my brother, mom, and dad). 2 days ago via a group chat after her first OBGYN visit(8 weeks pregnant). My wife announced, “Everything looks good, and we heard the heartbeat! Due date is Nov 13,” accompanied by hearts and a picture of the ultrasound. My wife also expressed, “We should find out the gender at the next appointment!” In response, my mother replied, “Look at my baby 😁,” while we were both in the car. She also asked, “when is that?” My wife felt frustrated that my mother referred to the baby as “my baby.” I responded to her frustration, indicating that many grandparents use similar phrases and it doesn’t imply they are taking ownership of the child or something worse. My wife was also puzzled by my mother’s question about the next appointment until she realized it was about the timing. Another issue arose yesterday after requesting my mom not to share the pregnancy news further. Somehow, she got the impression (possibly from something I said afterward) that she could only disclose it after the ultrasound and not indefinitely. She ended up telling one of my cousins two weeks after we told her the news first. When we confronted my mom about this, she apologized and explained that she thought she could only share after the ultrasound. This aligns with her behavior of not telling even my brother during those two weeks and informing my cousin the day after the ultrasound. Although my wife is still upset, I understand her feelings. We agreed to set boundaries with my mom regarding sharing secrets in the future, although I’m unsure what other situations this would apply to. However, I haven’t discussed my mixed feelings about this with my wife yet because she’s already feeling unwell from the pregnancy, and I don’t want to have a conversation when emotions are high and have her more stressed. Before confronting my mom, my wife brought up the “my baby” comment again. I feel this reaction is assuming the worst and potentially toxic. While I’m willing to honor my wife’s desire for boundaries and address any concerns she has with family members, I find her frustration and fixation on the comment slightly concerning. In-laws and spouses bumping heads are normal in marriage, but I want to support my wife while she’s unwell and prevent myself from saying the wrong thing. Personally, I believe it’s natural for grandparents to be excited about their first grandchild and referring to them as “my baby” might be slightly annoying at worst, but not worth getting upset over.
Any advice on how to move forward and be a good husband in this situation?
Are there things you think I should eventually bring up to my wife or my mom? And if so what and how should I say it? And if not why?
Do you think grandparents shouldn’t never refer to their grandchild as “their baby”? And if so, why? And if not, what do you think is at the core of what’s going on here?