Just going to say a few points but if people have questions they can ask. Not sure if I should even post this because don’t want to make a mistake and mess up my relationship.
Bf(25) has a high sex drive, I (21) have gotten better with sex but PTSD makes it hard and not feel like it’s love, but he says it’s his love, he also gives sfw love which I appreciate. It’s the best relationship I’ve ever had and I don’t want to lose him. But I don’t feel good enough.
I’m not skinny enough (my opinion) so I’ve been really considering relapsing into my ED.
I don’t give good hand jobs(he admitted it) so I don’t like doing it.
I get mentally horny but I don’t get wet a lot, he gives me a lot of breaks on sex but ik he wants it a lot. He gets more horny in the morning but I do at nighttime so it doesn’t line up. Mornings I have a lot of negative thoughts while nighttime I get sleepy and just want to play around/feel pleasure.
I feel shitty bc I don’t feel I look good enough (again, not his words), but ik the sex isn’t great for him. It’s not often enough and he feels weird that my area doesn’t get wet a lot.
Sometimes I wish he’d just force it for he’d be happy and have it, but at the same time I know that’s just the trauma brain talking, he does care about concent and he’s been my first partner to care.
It’s getting to the point where I’m hating myself again. Ever since moving in with him I was getting happier, talking more, being for affectionate and increasing my drive, yet the last week or so I’m going down again
This is mostly just a vent post I guess, unless anyone has any advice.