To get things out of the way first, my partner (29 sub M) and I (26 pre-op dom TF) have a fulfilling enough sex life, we don’t have many issues, we have similar kinks, everything is fun. However, sometimes I end up just getting in my own head.
He loves giving head, he’s more than happy if sex is just that and then we move on with our night, he can cum from that and he’s satisfied. He’s always offering, and he frequently mentions that he wants me to “free-use” him and take it from him even when he’s not offering. I don’t mind it either, I enjoy receiving it a lot more than I enjoy anal if anything. But the “free use” part is hard for me, I don’t want to feel like I’m ACTUALLY using him for sex.
And again, I get in my own head sometimes. I’ll just randomly give myself the “ick” while I’m enjoying watching blowjob content or fantasizing about it. My brain will go to all the negatives about how so many men use it to control their partners and won’t reciprocate or abuse their partner that won’t give them head. The whole misogynistic (ironic when I’m the F receiving and he’s the M giving) aura around “blowjobs” just gets into my head and ruins the mood.
Idk, it’s all stupid, I just needed to rant and vent and hopefully someone can knock me upside the head with something to help break this negative mindset