34/M. I apologize in advance for not being coherent.
I switched careers to become a freelance writer when I was 28. I had zero experience and thought it would be easy money. As an ESL writer, I struggled quite a lot to the degree where there was no love lost between my writing and me. I still write to pay the bills, but I’m looking to switch careers. Most professionals I’ve worked with say I’ll have to write for a year at a job to make the switch. That’s how the market in India works.
Secondly, I have zero dating or relationship experience. I am able to land matches on Hinge and Bumble, but they didn’t see me romantically during dates. My texting is good, I believe. I’m funny and can hold conversations but unable to be flirty. Something’s just not clicking, I guess.
Lastly, I don’t have too many friends. Most of them are male and we’re not able to meet regularly these days.
I’m not ugly, weird, or deadbeat. I just didn’t know how to live life and ended up missing life’s major milestones. If people hang out with me, they feel I have a girlfriend and are very surprised when I tell them I’m single. I’d agree that I have been immature or headstrong and did things or made career choices on a whim thinking I’d be able to reverse them easily.
Now that I’m in my 30s, I can see how tough life has become. I’m seen differently because I’m not in my early 20s and most people feel there’s something wrong with me.
All these things feel like a punch in the gut and cause immense feelings of guilt and shame. Every waking hour is spent ruminating about how I effed up. I’ve been posting similar questions on this sub for quite a while but this time it feels different. I need to address shame to make progress to lead a better life and my back is completely against the wall this time.
A man’s worth is measured in terms of the value he brings to society, family, and the self, and I wanna walk on that road being a responsible person. What can I start doing to address this shame, make positive changes in life, and lead a better life? Any piece of advice to help me improve? Thank you for reading this far!
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