my ex (22f) and i (23m) got together in the summer of 2018 and she left me in march of 2021 and moved 1000mi away without me. i loved her very very much despite her using me and manipulating me a lot towards the end of our relationship. she’s the first person i lived with, had a pet with, did most things in the adult world for the first time with.
after we broke up and she moved, she insisted we remain in contact and be friends. i had to hear all about all her exploits with other men during her single life and i was there for her when things weren’t going so well. i sent her over a thousand dollars over the course of 6 months. she’d make me feel bad and lead me on, explaining why she needs this money and i’d send away in hopes that maybe she’d change her mind about breaking up with me despite the fact she was seeing someone. she would berate me and get angry at me over tiny things and i would just take it because i loved her and i would do anything to be back with her, and it was worth it to me.
finally, in november of 2021 i cut her off for good. i was done with being used and played with and manipulated. i blocked her on everything and i haven’t spoken to her since.
but to this day (i have been in a wonderful relationship since december) i find myself missing her a lot. like, too much. it hurts still. i don’t tell my partner any of this or really anyone, but i can’t stop thinking about her and how much i wish we were still at least friends. why?? why do i still feel this way?? i feel like i’m losing my mind.
i don’t care if this gets no comments or if it even gets read, i just needed to get this out. i don’t know what to do anymore to get over this person.
tl;dr i cut off my abusive ex 6 months ago and i am still not over her.
2 comments
>i loved her very very much despite her using me and manipulating me a lot towards the end of our relationship. she’s the first person i lived with, had a pet with, did most things in the adult world for the first time with.
Thats why.
The person who you experience a lot of “firsts” with will always have a spot in your memory, for better or for worse. Its always more intense the first time, and some people spend their entire lives trying to chase that dragon. Often to the detriment of a great current relationship.
Memories and nostalgia will make you sabotage a good thing. Unless you come to terms with that, and take steps to move forward…it will burden you.
Might be good to speak to a professional about this, just so you can process what has happened and so you can start to understand why you feel the way you do.
But if it makes you feel better, these feelings aren’t weird or crazy. We’ve all been there to an extent. You cant really control how you feel…but you can control your level of awareness.
You’re completely okay in your feelings. That person was your first for predominately everything. You Don’t deserve any less than what you allow yourself to have. Don’t give them the satisfaction of hurting you. It takes alot to cut off someone all the way. You did a good thing for yourself. Sometimes it feels like you’ll never find “that” again but just try to enjoy what you have now and don’t compare the bow to the past. The memories that you think of constantly try to replace with your girlfriend. If it was you and your exes thing to get ice cream and walk a trail. Do that with your new girlfriend and recreate the memories in a more positive manner.