I know that this may not be universally true – as they say, “perception is not reality” – but from my own experience, why does it seem that many men do not like talking about themselves?
Owing to certain personal circumstances, I have had quite a lot of difficulty making friendships and socialising in general, but about a year ago I decided to make a change and work on my social skills. Videos, books, articles, reddit posts – you name it, I was eating up everything I could find about social skills. One of the main takeaways I got from all of this media was to show an interest in others. Ask people questions. I remember reading the quote (who said it, I don’t know): “Talk to people about themselves and they will listen for hours”.
And yet my own personal experience is at odds with what seems to be the most well-known mantra of human relations. I do not mean to generalise, but I will say that it is much easier to have a conversation with a woman by applying this “rule” of showing interest. The conversation is never dry; there is much more back-and-forth dialogue, as opposed to a monologue. Men, on the other hand… to me it appears they are not actually interested in their *own* lives. Whenever I try to have a conversation with a man one-on-one, it seems that my technique (admittedly perhaps they may see it as “borderline interrogation”) fails spectacularly. After only a couple of minutes the conversation is dry, perhaps because they do not reciprocate the questions. I then run out of questions to ask or things to say, and end up making bland remarks or start yapping. There is no real “connection”.
What, then, is the best way to have a conversation with a man? How do male friendships even work? What is the key to the connection? The stereotype of male friends not knowing anything about each other’s own lives is no coincidence.