Sorry for the long post.
My fiance’s(33) brother in law (40M) flew in from Hawaii this past weekend to go to a golf tournament. I do not get along with my fiance’s sister and haven’t seen or talked to his BIL for about 2 years.
My relationship with my future in-laws have been very toxic. His parents always tried to break us up as he comes from an enmeshed family where his sister (oldest sibling) always called the shots and was in his moms ear.
The past few months, I’ve been trying to put in the effort to have dinner with them and be cordial. When his BIL came into town, I offered to go play some golf with them for half the day so that I could meet him. Things were great. We all went to dinner with his family that night, although things were a bit awkward bc they were asking him about his family, his new daughter, etc., I just kinda sat there and nobody asked me about my family even though they haven’t spoken in a few years. Yet, my dad always reaches out to my FIL to wish him on occasions.
So Saturday evening comes along, we leave to go to the Masters. It’s about a 2.5 hour drive, I offered to drive them and took my car. Once we reached the hotel, his BIL was facetiming his mom bc she’s in Hawaii with my fiance’s sister and the baby. She asked him who all was there and he said it’s only him and my husband. That honestly pissed me off. His mom doesn’t know much about me, but what I cared for the most was not being able to see my 6 month old niece. Nobody in my DH’s family has ever cared to show me pictures of her, let me see her on video call. My DH doesn’t talk much with his older sister because of our issues with her so he hardly sees her either, but does more than I do. I was upset, went to the room and fell asleep.
The next day was the day of the tournament. We only had 2 passes so it was me and the brother-in-law who went in by ourselves first while my husband stayed back. We had a fairly good time, he even said so myself. Because it was my first time there, I had jokingly said to him “idgaf about (fiancé’s name) he can wait to come in a little longer since I’ve never been here before and he’s been about 3x” he took it highly offensive and disrespectful. If anyone knows about the Masters, being able to go is almost a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I helped his BIL pick out an outfit for my niece from the gift shop, he didn’t say anything about my comment. When we got back to the hotel, my fiancé was asleep and was annoyed that we came out 2 hours after we were supposed to. He had an attitude and I kinda snapped back at him.
My fiancé and his BIL then went into the tournament while I stayed back. Once it was over, his BIL came back without my fiancé. I asked him where he was and his reply was “he’s old enough, he’ll figure it out”. There was almost 50k people there. His BIL left the chairs behind and didn’t remember picking them up so we don’t have those either anymore.
The car ride home, his BIL kept trying to offer my fiancé advice on getting his “life together”, etc. My fiancé runs his family business and works harder than anyone I know. A lot of the things he said were way out of line. Telling him to stop smoking marijuana when my fiancé hardly does, telling me I should leave him when he has no clue about our relationship whatsoever. More so, he even FaceTimed his daughter and I was finally able to see my niece for the first time and was referred to as her aunt by my bf’s sister. His BIL told us that he had a great time with me.
When they got home, I got a call from my fiancé saying he overheard his BIL snitching to his mom that he smokes weed, we fought in public, etc. His parents dropped him off at the airport the next morning and he ended up saying more things to his parents.
Today, my fiancé calls me to tell me that his parents think we can’t be together anymore because I’m a terrible person. We both think it’s out of spite that he told them things because literally 2 hours before I dropped them home, he was praising me. He told his wife that I had helped pick out his daughter’s outfits, everything. But because I made that about “idgaf about ——“ comment, I’m the worst person ever. When his BIL told my fiancé about it, he immediately knew I was joking and told him I didn’t mean it bc I would never intentionally talk shit about my fiancé to anyone.
Idk what to do. I want to sit down and have a conversation with his parents that has been long overdue. They’ve never ever once seen any good in me and it’s been a witch-hunt between my fiancé’s mom and his sister against me to try to get me out of the relationship. My fiancé obviously has my back, but he said he’s done all and said all he could. What his BIL did as a 40 year old man is just something I can’t even fathom