This is like the third time it’s happened. All day he texted me about wanting sex but but when I got there he just wanted to cuddle. He did say his head hurt but just as a comment not as an excuse not to have sex.
Some background: longtime friend, kinda seeing each other low key bc we think people will talk to much shit and he works for my family’s business. We aren’t telling anyone until a year and it’s only been 5 months. We aren’t actually dating.
So why does he keep inviting me over to have sex when he doesn’t actually want to?
29 comments
He actually likes you and enjoys your company?
Ask him about it.
Because fwb is a hollywood invention that doesn’t work IRL. One of you will catch feelings at some point.
Say…assuming you’re ok with just cuddling…I’ve noticed we haven’t been doing what you’ve said you wanted to do all day when I come over. Just say what you want, so me and you are on the same page when I get there 🙂
That should be good, just communicate how you feel about him hyping up a certain activity and then diverting. That other stuff is ok too
I might have trouble with his confidence, all horny and down for it but when u get there he stresses out
Have you made any moves while cuddling?
Maybe he actually likes you and not just for sex so if you like him back awww
Men emotionally connect through touch and sex better than they can any other way. Him just wanting to cuddle is him not being secure enough in your relationship to just outright tell you that he wants to connect with you emotionally in a way that isn’t just sex.
TLDR: he actually likes you and wants a relationship with you.
Maybe his hormones Fire up earlier and he exhausted them other ways before you showed up.
You were late. He wanked it off.
Sounds like you’re blind to the fact he wants more than sex with you
I… Don’t think he’s your fwb.
Maybe actually start dating? If he invites you round for sex but then just cuddles, and you’re chills with just cuddles sometimes and your 5months deep. Why not just start dating (secretly, if you don’t want anyone knowing yet)?
Damn, I hate it when someone wants to take all the friendship but not give any of the benefits. Guess you’re just going to have to downgrade them to friend or buddy
Sounds like something I’d do with my boyfriend when I’m too afraid to act “soft”
Maybe he’s confusing feelings of sex with feeling for intimacy?
maybe he’s more into sexting than actual sex, he’s turned on when he’s inviting you over and then he realizes its not really his thing and he prefers to only fantasize, he also might be just shy and insecure or he sees you as someone more than a sex buddy and actually wants to spend time with you but is affraid to admit that, you will never know if you wont ask, good luck
He just wanted to hang out with you.
Too too long getting there. 😂
He’s nervous
Consider trying to initiate next time you’re with him?
Kiss the man!
It sounds like you don’t understand his reasons for doing this, yet, you seem to be very focused on telling him how you feel or what you want.
My advice: Seek to understand first. Be curious with him. Use empathy and compassion, when approaching it. It may be a sensitive topic.
But just ask him what happened, and let him explain. And when he explains it, *then* you can decide how to respond, or if you want to bring up your wants / expectations.
Try giving him oral so the expectation of performing doesn’t give him anxiety. He will get aroused and you can transition that moment in to having sex.
I’m slightly confused. Why would it matter what everyone thinks if it’s just about fooling around? Also, are you guys *planning* on staying together for a year or more? That second paragraph really sounds like there’s more to your relationship than casualty, and perhaps him wanting to just cuddle you could be a symptom of that thought.
Being horny and wanting sex at 10am, noon, 2pm, and/or 4pm does not automatically mean he still feels the same way at 8pm or 10pm. Things change over time.
He sounds lonely. FWBs are stand-in bf/gfs by definition. You’re filling a need without commitment by mutual agreement. If your need isn’t being met, tell him. You’re not dating and not obligated to show up when he snaps his fingers.
Lots of good feedback here. I can honestly say I have turned multiple FWB’s into cuddle buddies, because cuddling is a need for men that we don’t get to express. Sometimes we can’t express the need for touch and our only way to communicate this is talking about sex. Someone forgot to tell us that touch doesn’t equal sex. They are separate needs and that’s ok.
Cuz a lot of dudes are absolute SHIT at asking for platonic intimacy. Tell him that if he just needs cuddles, to hit you up for cuddles instead of sex. If you’re cool with that, that is.
The fact that you said “we aren’t telling anyone until a year” and you don’t understand that that means you’re dating….
Otherwise what is there to tell? That you’re having sex? Because that’s a very weird thing to just start telling people. And if you’re JUST fwb then i don’t think you’d actually be looking a year down the road when you started and going “yeah we’ll still be doing this”
Edit: the only foreseeable way in which the fwb status will stand and it won’t either evolve or fall apart is if both parties involved are aromantic. That is just a fact.
He jerked off to have more stamina for the sex, post nut clarity hit him like a truck… this is the way