I (29f) have been thinking of ending things with my fiance (30m) because of his drinking. We’ve been together 9 years next month. The drinking used to be a lot worse and it used to make him want to pick fights with me during the pandemic and yell at me. Since then, every time I see him drink, my body tenses up and ngl I become afraid. I won’t go into specific details of what else the drinking has made him do, but it’s made me see a whole different side of him that I can’t unsee. He’s never hit me, but he has punched doors and a clock and shattered it.
Today, he hurt his foot at work. I had no clue because I was asleep and my phone was updating on it’s own in the middle of the night when he sent a text to me, so I didn’t get the texts until an hour after I was already awake. As soon as he heard I was awake, he was loud and was “happy I was awake” and joked that he was “broken” meaning he hurt his foot. He was drinking to numb the pain in his foot.
I asked him if he could please not be so loud because I just woke up, but he wouldn’t. I came down stairs and the bottle of alcohol he recently bought had quite a bit of it missing and his foot wrapped up. He said he made a joke to his mom and sister that I beat him up. I don’t find DV funny in the slightest and I told him this because at one point I thought that it could’ve been me on the recieving end when his drinking was REALLY bad. He’s said some other things that made me uncomfortable that I won’t specify, but now he’s upset with me. Told me, “I’m going to bed, since you’re mad at me, there’s no point being awake.” The last thing I told him before going downstairs to give him space was that he should elevate his foot. Now I hear slamming and pounding upstairs and I’m afraid to approach him.
I didn’t think I did anything wrong, I just told him I don’t find DV jokes funny and to stop rolling his eyes at me for it, but now I’m not sure what to do. Should I go when his foot is healed up? I can’t stand this anymore.
Edit: well, we just had a fight and now I’m downstairs sitting in silence not sure what to do and he’s upstairs thinking about things I’ve told him (I assume) I want to take care of his injury, but he kept saying that he’s not the only one in pain (meaning me) because of some things I said to him that I’ve kept bottled up for so long. I don’t know what to do and I can’t stop crying
TL;DR fiance was drinking being loud because he hurt his foot at work, can’t stand his drinking and I’m thinking of ending things because of it and the trauma it’s caused.