so i currently go to therapy for my social anxiety but i feel like it’s not helping at all. i have spoken to some family members about it and they’ve made the judgement that i have low self esteem and confidence and are a tad bit insecure. i also have people pleasing tendencies where i live for the approval of others rather than myself. i also tend to make decisions based on the emotions of myself and others rather than thinking logically. i have had past traumas such as bullying and abusive parents. i would like some advice on what i need to do to overcome these issues and steps i can take. if i was to go to therapy, under which kind of referral would this fall under?

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  1. Self-esteem based on the approval and validation of others isn’t really “self-esteem,” is it? It’s actually OTHER-ESTEEM. You’re basing your worth on others’ approval/judgment of you.

    The best way to start building TRUE self-esteem is to start doing/being/acting in ways that are truly admirably to YOURSELF. So that’s along two tracks: pursuing hobbies/interests/skills that benefit you and improve you in ways that you want to be better. And doing things for others that show that the planet is a better place because YOU SHOWED UP. Examples would be doing daily pay-it-forward or Random Acts of Kindness types of things. Or getting involved in some volunteer work.

    Those things are “the start” of a new and better you, based on your own estimation, NOT that of others. And you don’t need a therapist to start doing any of that.

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