I’ve been together with my gf for 9 months now. She’s amazing and I love her so damn much, I’ve never loved anyone like this before and we practically live together.
2 days ago she told me that she cheated on me in the beginning of our relationship, with her ex… We hadn’t officially named it a relationship, but we did promise each other to be exclusive, 3 weeks before it happened.
It happened when she was drinking with her friend group (her ex is in the same friend group) at her moms house. They were the only 2 that were left at the end, she was blackout drunk, in a very bad place mentally because of some things that happened before and it happened. She doesn’t remember a lot of it.
They agreed the next day (didn’t sleep together) that they wouldn’t tell anyone about it and both said they regretted it to eachother. However, just before my gf told me about it, her ex told my gf’s best friend about it. My gf had a small fight with that best friend (and my gf her mom) about it, and that evening she came to my house to confess. She told me she was afraid of my reaction, me leaving and just wanted to act like it never happened.
We’ve talked about this, about us, about the future we both see/saw with each other for the past 2 full days (both skipped work). She regrets it a lot, has cried a lot, apologized a lot and asked me if we could please have a clean start with no lies whatsoever. She has a history of conflict-avoident behavior and is going to see a therapist for it now. We talked about her ex and she promised me she’ll make sure she never sees him again (except her sister’s wedding since she and her ex are good friends), even if that means she can’t hang out with her friend group anymore. She genuinely seems so sorry and looked so sad.
I know she’s not the same person as she was 9 months ago. I saw her change in a lot of ways in a positive way, we talked about a lot of things and she seems like a genuinely good person except for this problem.
I just have a very hard time getting the picture out of my head. That same night we texted, and the next day we actually met since I came back from a vacation and we just hung out like nothing happened…
I do believe she can change/is changed, I just don’t know if I can live with the fact it happened and forgive her…
I just love her so much and can’t imagine life without her.
Some important info: We started this relationship in a bad way. She had a boyfriend at the time, and we cheated. It wasn’t the usual cheating for fun though, we never had sex or any sex related actions during that period. We knew each other as friends. One night we wanted to smoke a cig before going to bed after a party (slept in seperate rooms) and that one cig at the balcony turned into us just talking for like 10+ hours straight. About our lives, about funny things, about her family, about my family, about everything. Feelings started to come up during that night for both of us as we confessed later on. We had more of those moments where we just talked for hours on end and started texting as well.
After quite a while we kissed, which did happen a few times before she and her bf at the time (different ex) broke up. After which we, about a week later agreed to be exclusive.
She had an abusive bf at that time, which she didn’t love anymore a long time before we had our first long conversation. He told her multiple times that he’d kill himself if she broke up, which is why she was scared to do so.
I know this seems like repetitive behavior, which I don’t think it is. She cheated with me in a very different way with no sex involved, based on feelings and a horrible bf at the time she had no feelings for (still bad she didn’t break up, but with the things he said a little understandable).
tldr: Gf cheated on my with her ex (who’s in the same friend group as she is) while at a party at her home, in the very beginning when we promised each other to be exclusive (‘officially’ started the relationship later on). She was blackout drunk at the time, in a very bad place mentally and doesn’t remember most of it. She promised me she’ll make sure she never sees him again, even if that means leaving her friend group which she has been a part of for years now. She told me after 9 months because she was scared of losing me. She’s going to see a therapist for her conflict-avoident behavior. I know she’s not the same person anymore as she was 9 months ago and I love her more than I’ve loved anyone before, when I think of happiness I think of her.