For my whole life I’ve struggled to make friends and maintain friendships. If things are looking good my brain will create a problem and make me want to push myself away from them in order to “avoid hurt” as a lot of people grow tired of me since I’m quite a replaceable person.
At this point I don’t think I even want friends. My social battery is broken.I can’t speak with my parents about very simple things without getting extremely angry and upset and having to leave and I can’t have friends because the social responsibility of meeting someone regularly and communicating with them regularly is such a pain. Even if I like a person I always get too burnt out to speak to them and end up pushing them away. If this tiredness and irritation is what having friends is I do not want them.
This is my throwaway, my main has a pretty extensive posting history on here but it feels like my r/socialskills journey is ending with me being a miserable shut-in NEET who hates people.
What the fuck do I do? I really need to get out of this. I know a part of me wants to contribute to society and make friends but I just can’t bring myself to.
I cant even hold eye contact with strangers when required.