I started college this year and had a hard time finding a group of girl friends, and my new boyfriend had made friends with a really nice group of girls from his dorm. After some time he invited me to a dinner with them all, and I was so grateful for it because they were so welcoming! Me and my boyfriend have a rather rocky relationship because we have a really hard time understand each other and he is my first boyfriend, and he is more expressive about his thoughts and feelings than with anyone I have ever known. He told me he didn’t want to introduce me to them because he was scared I would “take them away from him” and leave him, but said he wanted me to have friends so he finally invited me. One time we got into an argument and I was talking about it with 2 of the girls from that group because they invited me over. I believe that it’s healthy to talk about these things with other people that can give you advice when you feel alone and can’t talk to your partner about it. He found out because I told him and he got upset and said “this is why I didn’t want to introduce you to them” “they are MY friends, not yours” “MY friends”. This happened months ago. Fast forward to yesterday- I’m in a group chat with some of the girls throwing a surprise bday party for another girl and later that day it got brought up while my boyfriend was with us, and one girl says “Oh yeah, we’re throwing a bday party for “” tomorrow in the kitchen, you should come!” I ask him later if he plans on going, he says “I don’t know probably not. It was a pity invite” I try to reassure him that it was not a pity invite. He shrugs it off. Later that night when I was leaving his car I asked him again, “So do you plan on going tomorrow?” “I don’t know” he says. I say “I know she would like it if you were there” and he pushes back from me, says “Um, no you don’t but thanks”. I said “No I do, why wouldn’t she?” And he goes “It’s not about that. I’ve been friends with her longer than you have”.
Can someone help me understand why he says this? I know they’ve been friends longer and that he introduced me. I get it, but I don’t understand why he tells me this. It’s really hurtful. All I tried to do was be reassuring. I tell myself that he’s just expressive all the time but so many things he says just hurt me. And it’s like I’m always saying something wrong. He doesn’t really hang out with this group of girls anymore either so I don’t get why he thinks so much about that, because I don’t hang out with them super often either.