First of all, I am a 17 years old male. I’ll get straight to the point. Everyone around me thinks differently, especially at school. I often sit alone, though I could sit with others if I wanted to. Sometimes I do, but most of the time I don’t feel like it. They engage in conversations about things that I find shameful, yet they show no remorse. Why do I care about their opinions when they don’t affect me? I just don’t know. I act as if I don’t care or simply observe them like an audience, occasionally joining in, but I always feel different. They enjoy activities like drinking, smoking, watching porn, and using abusive language, but I don’t partake in any of that. Still, I feel like something is missing. I can’t focus because I feel out of place, like I’m the odd one out. They talk about harmful things, and I just listen without saying anything. I could join in, but I choose not to, yet at the same time, I feel like my actions are meaningless. I feel alienated within my own mind, even though they consider me a friend. I dislike their way of thinking, but why should I care?
Last year, I had a very good friend with whom I used to discuss topics like good and evil, general philosophies, games, and psychology. But now he’s not at my school. I don’t expect anyone else to come along with similar interests; I’ve observed everyone already. Am I the one who’s wrong? My father doesn’t understand when I tell him I feel isolated; he doesn’t seem to care. It’s not that I’m bad at socializing; I just don’t see the point anymore. I’m alone because everyone else is so different from me.
Even when you’re on the right side and see everyone else doing things wrong, you start to question whether they’re wrong or if you are. When you see people enjoying things that you despise, you end up feeling isolated or alienated. They respect me for what I do, but I wonder if what I’m doing truly deserves respect. What’s the point of following the right path if it makes you feel alienated? My father says it’s better to follow the right path in life. Am I doing that? And if so, why do I always feel like I’m on the wrong path? If I were to become like them, would anything change? What should I do? And please, I won’t even entertain the thought of conforming to their way of thinking; just thinking about it conflicts my mind