Am I [29F] justified in feeling betrayed by my boyfriend [29M] backtracking on buying a house?
I [29F] feel like my boyfriend [29M] led me on with a house buying plan
So we’ve been together a few years now, not married and no kids. I have a house in my name only whereas he’s never owned a house before. We both are in a good financial situation and have no kids.
I’ve always said I’d like to live with a partner and then buy together when the time is right. My house is small and doesn’t have good parking or a nice garden, and it’s not a great location.
We’ve been talking for a few months about buying a house together and initially he was concerned about buying before living together. I agreed and so we decided to live together whilst looking for a house.
We’ve been living together for 5 months now and I’ve listed my house. Throughout the last few months we’ve gone to house viewings on multiple weekends, told our friends and family, and gotten excited about certain houses and how to make them our own.
Now I’m in a position to sell and we’ve found a lovely house but he’s just told me he’s gotten cold feet and it’s all happening at once and he wants to back out. He wants to potentially buy solo and commute to each other’s house, or save up and buy in the future potentially years down the line. We’ve looked at areas specifically for him, for good parking, good commute, and it feels like if I bought solo it would still be for him in mind but it would be smaller as only me buying and I could potentially sink thousands in legal fees and potentially sell at a bad time whilst he has all the flexibility.
I feel a bit betrayed because we’ve had months of house buying where he’s seemed so enthusiastic only to pull the whole plug after we’ve gotten to the absolute no turning back point. I’m worried he just doesn’t see a future with me if he doesn’t want to commit now.
We’ve been very pragmatic and said an absolute 50/50 split of the house and in the event of a worst case scenario we’d sell up or sell to the other person.
I’m worried he’s just getting cold feet because he doesn’t see a future, and I feel like I’m just getting strung along being told one thing for months only to completely backtrack. I feel hurt and let down that he’s completely not considered how I felt. He always was going to buy solo before me, and was going to buy without me, and then was going to buy with me, and now not buy at all. I could have bought myself a nicer house a year ago solo but I thought we’d buy together and now he’s not sure at all.
TL;DR: Boyfriend and I spent months looking for a house together, we found one, now he wants to pull the plug after getting so far