warning…this requires a lot of backstory. in november of last year (~ 5 months ago) I asked for significant space from a relationship-turned-toxic-friendship. i couldn’t give an explanation as to why i needed that space at the time – i had basically shut down and couldn’t find the words to talk to her. the reason was i just felt really trapped and stifled and in a deep cycle of people-pleasing with her that i just had to stop. she was also extremely emotionally dependent on me, and i was extremely obsessive as i knew she wanted a relationship and i had gone down a route of destroying myself thinking i was the problem and i was afraid of commitment when those weren’t true, i just didn’t feel a connection. prior to this (in august-sept) we had moved very quickly into a relationship. it was long distance and we had been talking for a month and a half (i will admit she did lovebomb me a little) and she came to stay with me for 10 days. hormones ran high and there was this huge sense of obligation and expectation such that i agreed to be in a relationship against my own feelings. i broke up with her 3 weeks later. she did not take it well and broke down. i don’t know what the f*** i said my reasons were at the time but i know now what had happened. we decided to stay friends but our contact basically did not reduce at all and i went to stay with her for 5 days (after she said that the only thing stopping her from offing herself was me going to visit, i might add) – the same thing happened again. it was an incredible exercise in miscommunication and lack of boundaries between the two of us. come november i was barely functioning because of how unhappy i was and i am now so frustrated that i just could not talk about it. after i asked for space she broke that boundary four times, making me more unhappy. the point is, i feel extremely guilty and regretful about what happened, to the point where i’m not sleeping or eating. it’s probably far, far, too late to apologise or explain to her now but i feel as though i cannot move on and forgive myself without talking to her about it (which probably wouldn’t even be helpful to her this far on). how do i accept that people do make mistakes and i’m not a lifelong failure and an evil person because of this? how do i stop it from being literally the only thing i can think about when i am in my final year of university and have exams to sit?