Tia for reading and listening. Im in a serious relationship, about to get engaged, have a blended family with boyfriend. Saying that, ive recognized weve both had boundaries issues and addressed them. We had a rough relationship in the first year, but then both leveled out and really feel in love, soul mates, and like we really get each other, and see a future together. There are my bio kids, step kids, and a child between us both, so any decision made is not made lightly. Not that, that is the deciding factor. We both drink multiple times a week, not super heavy, but more than we both should. I want to stop drinking, but i find it really hard when he is also drinking. Gaslighting is a term that is frequently thrown around in our arguments, even when sober. I’ll “overreact, or get mad” because of whatever usually over something like he never listens to me, or helps me, or appreciates all that I do. He always tries to turn the argument around on me and act like he’s done nothing wrong, or im always getting onto him. I’m a really laid back person, and quite passive (which isn’t always a good thing), but I speak my mind when I really think it’s needed. The other night he even was saying oh well you said this, and it’s something I’ve never said, but it plays into his narrative during the fight/argument. This is increasing in frequency and I’m starting to notice it more and more. I’m not sure if it’s happened the whole time and I’m just seeing it, or if it’s new. We’ve talked about the gaslighting thing and he says he wants a chance and I don’t deserve any of it, but yet – here we are again in another argument that is “all my fault”.
I know I need to stop drinking completely to resolve most of this, but other than that – Can I get any opinions, or advice. I feel crazy for even posting something like this because we can be so happy and loving, we’re great parents, and I feel like we have a huge future ahead of us. But the last month, or 2 I’m starting to get some major doubts on the direction we are headed. Does this sound like gaslighted?