Previously I thought that I (F 26) had a severe social anxiety. Like, for real, I had a really strong avoidant behavior and my life was built on bare minumum social interactions.
But recently I changed my job to a business analyst. This job requires a lot of communication. Two days ago I was invited to go to a bar with my fellow colleagues, and it was my first time ever. And, honestly, it was dull as hell. People were drinking and talking about their personal life (what they ate/drank, where they have been and whatever). I was almost completely silent cause I didn’t have something to add up to the conversation. There was a rare chance they started to discuss a topic that was interesting for me but they switched to another one in very small amount of time.
For better understanding, my interests are languages, medicine, space, evolutionary psychology, anthropology, etc. Yep, I’m a typical nerd who has unrealistic expectations for an average conversation in a freaking bar (I don’t drink at all btw). But I simply can’t change my brain to lower my standards. I’ve realised that I’m not interested in people per se, only in people who share my interests. Maybe it sounds very arrogant. Honestly, it is. And my question is: am I lying to myself that I’m the special one with a low interest in people, but a strong interest in things? Deep down, I want a real connection, both emotionally and intellectually, but my lack of interest in people is preventing it from happening.