Dear internet strangers,
I (39 F) have recently ended a rather situationship with an ex (43 M). We have been together for a year and half, broken up, cut ties for a couple of months, then starting talking again, being really close etc. He stated that he isn’t sure he’s ready for a commited relation (pretty much why we broke up the first time – that and a lot more, but not the point here), but he is going to therapy to adress this, to better himself, as he loves me very much and thinks of me as the love of his life.
6 months or so later I just couldn’t handle the situation anymore (which did not change), despite loving him. It was too heart breaking, felt like a love life only lived in half. I gathered that I would rather prefere the kind of love where we both just know, love, and not articulate disclaimers. In order to move on with my life more easily, I suggested / asked that we go no contact. He was completely astonished, asking me to stay friends, stating he doesn’t understand why I have to make this “a total loss” since we are so great at talking to each other and we would miss that (which is true). He indicated that I won’t stay friends just out of revenge, to hurt him, which is not true (not a single bit, a have analysed it in therapy).
I, however, am still heartbroken, still not over him, and a frienship / him being in my life would just be a constant reminder of my being… well, in a manner, rejected. And, honestly, I consider staying friends as to dull the pain of not being together / not having him in my life. On the other hand, I very much enjoy our talks, as he’s funny and brilliant. Another downside is that where I live, despite knowing a lot of people and having a great social life, the dating pool is close to inexistent. In other words, I fear that anyhow, I will never find anybody. How would you deal with this? Has anyone navigated through smth like this successfully?
Thank you in advance