My issues comes from a variety of places. Even though I am aware of them, it’s been really hard to overcome them. My whole life I have been really shy and I don’t speak much to new people.
I make friends but I don’t try to socialize more than I feel like will start to drain me. And I lost a lot of friends because I simply no longer had the same friend groups.
I don’t know how to properly put it.
In middle school, the kids around me started to get into relationships but I never got into all that. People didn’t intentionally avoid me because of my appearance either but some people hated me for seemingly normal reason.
Us friends never really commented on each other’s appearances but other friend groups did start to complement my friends on their hairstyles and attractiveness once they started to take care of themselves. But I never got such comments.
Noone said I look good ever. But no one said or even showed signs of thinking of me as ugly either.
One time in high school, my friends asked the middle school juniors on what they think who had the most girlfriends. And to everyone’s surprise, they said I have 4-5 girlfriends atleast with my friends having none or just one. Even I was shocked and I think it hurt one friend’s self esteem a bit who took care of his hair and appearance quite a bit.
Ofcourse kids don’t know how things work. But we do know they judge the relationship statuses mostly by appearance.
Does that mean I actually look good?
Sorry but this is the only implied comment I have on my appearance from someone in my whole life.
I wasn’t someone surrounded by the opposite gender nor I was someone who chased the opposite gender.
This is a short story. Girls didn’t actively talk to me but they also never avoided me.
So, something came over my friends when a junior in middle school was in our class during lunch break. They decided to ask the kid how many girlfriends each of us have. Obviously he said one or none for my friends but he said I have 4-5 girlfriends. I was the last one the kid commented on so obviously they were stunned and took the kid to the side to bribe him to say I look like I have no girlfriends. Obviously it wasn’t maliciousness. Because taking the kid to the side was just whispering in his ears to give him chocolate.
I might look like weird or stuck up mentioning that but this is literally the only (although indirect) comment on my appearance someone has ever made on me.
I didn’t really talk much to girls in school much.
I don’t have problem talking to girls. It’s just we don’t have much in common to talk beyond what is needed. It’s also not like girls even avoid me other that just the haughty fat ones in class literally who seemed to hate me even though I never talked to them or talked bad about them.
It’s been so dry regarding comments on my appearance that no one has even called me ugly or unattractive not even indirectly.
I am unsure. Do I look good or do I look bad?
Am I even supposed to show confidence?
The girls around me never made moves on my but always were praising my friends to the high heavens. Not swooning over them ofcourse. Just complementing in general.
In college I found out that the people were just complementing each other out of courtesy. I could participate but It felt disingenuous as I felt like even if I got a complement in this way, they would not be what they really think of me.
How should I really act. I know you need to take care of yourself as well in order to look good.
I know you will look ugly without taking care of yourself even if you have a good face.
But is it even going to make any difference? Is taking care of my appearance really that worth it?
It’s not like I am a smelly disgusting shut in that doesn’t bath.
I bath daily, wash my hair, heep myself healthy. I am not obese. I excersise every once in a while.
But I never really do stuff like taking care of my skin. Or trying to put too much effort into my hairstyle.
I just have my hair cut the same way every time. Just shave every week and that’s it. Even though I don’t have much of a beard. I don’t take selfies. I feel like my photos always come out ugly.
I want to be complemented. I want to know what I feels like to receive complements.
I want to be told that it’s okay to feel confident.
But I don’t want to be lied to.
Am I good looking or am I just average that looks invisible to the general public?
Should I dress up more, have a new hairstyle, take care of my skin?