My partner and I have been together for about a year. We live together and have had a truly wonderful relationship. I moved to this state after visiting and meeting him. I grew up here, but had no intention whatsoever of actually moving back here until I met him. I graduated college last year, and since then have had a hard time finding a job. I hadn’t found one until February of this year. We have been incredibly poor the entire time we have been together, since we live in a very expensive area and his income just wasn’t enough. I went through all of my savings plus maxed out my credit cards just trying to pay an equal share while I looked for a job. All of this included paying for all groceries, half of rent (which included utilities), both of our Verizon bills, our internet, and our storage unit. This also includes my credit card payments and my car insurance. He pays for half of rent, his car insurance, and his car. I never held any of this against him because I knew he was doing his best, but I have always paid more than him towards our shared bills. I put in hundreds of applications while searching for a job, but it’s difficult to find something while living in a small town. Finally, I found a job that doesn’t pay great but helps a bit. I still pay the same amount I did before.
Now for the problem. I understand that we both make very little money, and that’s really not where my problems lie. My problem stems from the division of labor in our home. While he complains of being tired from work, I come home and cook, clean, and take care of the house every day. On the weekends I do laundry at the laundry mat and then fold it all. Occasionally he picks up his “nest” in the living room (a collection of his work clothes that he strips while sitting on the couch and puts into a pile, along with random dishes he leaves on the coffee table) but rarely does he do anything else. He refuses to fold clothes, since he claims he doesn’t give a shit if they’re folded. He doesn’t do dishes, since a sink full of them doesn’t seem to bother him. He doesn’t notice when the bathroom is disgusting. He doesn’t often clean the floors since he just wears socks when stuff starts to stick to his feet. It’s like he doesn’t care that the place is disgusting. He claims that I should do it, since I’m the one it bothers so much. Or he claims that he can’t because he’s tired or his ADHD and depression won’t allow him to (I also have ADHD and depression.) I’m so frustrated and suck at communicating how I’m feeling. I don’t know how to describe all of this without sounding like an asshole. I understand that he is mentally ill, but at the end of the day I am as well and still have to be the one to keep things together. What can I say to him to help our current situation?
TDLR: I pay more in finances and do more housework than my boyfriend, how should I approach this issue?