First thing first, I will tell you about our history.
We met back then during uni days in 2017 as we took the same classes. I have always had a crush on her since I met her but she felt indifferent.
Sure, we hung out often along with some friends, we get along pretty well, but I never had the chance to ask her out until very late in our time at uni as we were both very busy with other things, not to mention that we were also dating other people (but not in a relationship, and she’s never been in any until she got me). I kept myself purposely open for her, while her dates bear no fruit (pun intended). As I finally had my things and thoughts in place with more free time, I started to ask her out in early 2020.
To be honest, the previous dates that I had were more fun and exciting, but I just can’t get rid of my crush on her after all those time. I feel really bad to say it now, but I think those previous girls were prettier and funnier (in my defense, she also told me recently that I wasn’t as handsome as the other guys she met lol).
My current partner was kind of mysterious and super intriguing to me, I couldn’t see nor read beyond what she presents daily at all, that made me want her so much.
We finally hooked up, but who would have guessed that COVID would become such a big thing. After just 2 weeks being in a relationship, we both went back to our parents house, thus we got into a 700km long distanced relationship.
As I mentioned, she has never been in a relationship previously. So ours was kind of awkward and full of fights due to unmet expectations that were not communicated clearly, at least during the LDR time. We have such different hobbies and interests, more like she doesn’t have a special interest in ANYTHING. The only thing in common between us is our taste in music. I am bamboozled on how God allows us to be with each other in the first place. I’m such a games and movies geek, and she barely cares about it. Remember how I said my previous dates were more fun? I could talk and argue for hours about any game or movie titles with them, something that I barely can do with my partner.
She had no close guy friends (I have always been her only one ever since), nor any friends who are experienced enough to give her relationship advices, so she was in the dark and I had always to give her the benefit of the doubt.
We did meet each other every few months as COVID subsided, and I did met her parents and sister at that time (they are very chill people). But that wasn’t enough to get to know her better as a partner. We both had the thought of getting on our own ways, but I guess it was the sunk cost fallacy talking in our heads that made us stay. There were no better options (or at least I thought): There was COVID, she had no other close friends beside me, I had not the chance to meet other girls, besides I already “dumped” those who I had flings with previously.
More time passed, many hardships happened in our lives respectively and we were the only ones to console each other, especially when I lost few members of my family. At this point she knows so much, even too much things about me, and we bonded through hardships that we were both experiencing. We can’t leave each other now… Right?
It was 2023. COVID’s virtually gone, and she moved to my city to get a job. We finally got to experience things that couples actually do, things you would normally imagine in a healthy relationship. We talked about lots of things, most of it being life related topics and trash memes, but rarely about any of our interests.
I finally found out why I felt that she was different among the other girls that I have been with. She is a mature and stoic person, very rational with a good grasp on common sense. She doesn’t really seek fun, challenge nor ambitions in life, she just lives out realistically, looking for stability in life.
I tend to have very complex way of thinking in approaching things in life, taking risks and challenges. I feel like that she’s the perfect co-pilot to my life. She’s capable of untangling my thoughts, suggesting efficient solutions to things that I dread about. More importantly, she does not fuel my ego. She’s capable of saying facts straight to my face without remorse, knowing that it is the best for my growth as a person, thus turning me into the most desirable person for her.
I have always been a person with annoying mood swings, anger issues, impulsiveness. But ever since we’ve been together, I have fully changed in the best way possible… I seem to be more stoic as she is. Something that I believe would not achieve with the other girls I met, as they seem to only fuel my ego.
So now, I haven’t proposed her yet, but we had a talk about our possible futures. We both agree that we bring balance to each other. We seem to both wear the pants in the relationship depending on the situation. We both love to share the controls within our cockpit, nobody’s exerting dominance and unnecessary take overs. I can definitely see her as the right person who can bring the best in our lives.
But something still bugs me. As I said, not that she can’t be fun and bring excitement, but it’s been a long while that I have had any of it with a girl. We don’t do silly things.
I love her unconditionally, and so I believe she does too. But it seems that we are not sexually attracted to each other that much. Don’t get me wrong, we do the stuff passionately each time. It must be due to the love we have, but I don’t feel the lust anymore.
My rationale says she’s the one. She brings the best in me. But my lizard brain says that she’s no fun nor sexually attractive, and it must be the same for her (I am too afraid to ask). That would be easy to fix… Right?
And I keep justifying myself. Is it because of the media that I consume? Comparing us to those, both fictional ones, and our real life mutuals that only shows the best part of their relationship on social media. Even still having celebrity crushes.
Though I don’t want to keep playing around and just have fun all the time. I want, I NEED a permanent companion whom I can rely on and get support from.
Is it really about the sunk cost fallacy?
I am open to and will appreciate any suggestions and perspectives, even harsh ones!
Thank you for reading my post!