My partner of 10 years and I got into a fight about something very dumb, it was OCD contagion related and she wouldn’t drop it so I tried to carry the offending item away but she started painfully clawing at my wrists
I then grabbed hers to get her to stop. I again tried to take it away but she started shrieking like a banshee and when I said “wtf if the neighbours or cops come you’re answering the door, I’ll get arrested if people hear you screaming like this.” She then told me “I didn’t make a big deal when you hurt my wrists earlier”.
This stopped me in my tracks. I dropped the thing and just looked at her like “is she threatening to report me for abuse or something?” She repeated it again like 4 more times.
I went away for a while and told her that I can’t trust her after what she said but she’s swearing i got the wrong end of the stick. I can’t see any other way it could be interpreted or reason why she’d say it at that exact time.
Am i blowing this out of proportion or should I be concerned.
Please note the OCD has always been an issue and we’ve been working on it together for years but this was a particularly bad episode.
15 comments
She’s all like: I’m going crazy, and you’re coming with me. Dude, ya gotta decide if you want to go with her. If you’ve been working through it for years, you’ve put in your time. If you’re young, get out. This relationship is toxic.
Coming from someone who has seen a lot of relationships like this and from experience you should leave I get you love her but you have to love your self more to know that it’s not fair to you or safe anymore if she’s going to start threatening you like what else would she mean by that
1. No, you shouldn’t trust her
2. You are not blowing this out of proportion
3. You should absolutely be concerned
Is she in therapy or treatment? Because it really sounds like she needs to be in treatment for severe OCD. You need to keep records of her violent episodes and tell a trusted person or therapist that she has threatened to report you for abuse.
Law student and criminal law paralegal here; evidence of her mental state, violent episodes, and specific threats are your only protection if someone calls the cops on her screaming one day and she really does make false claims against you. You either need to get out of this relationship or start making preparations to protect yourself now that you’ve seen what she’s potentially capable of.
Get to stepping before this escalates.
Run, don’t walk. She let you know that she’s willing to throw you under the bus if something happens no matter WHAT the truth might be.
Run. The fact that her OCD already clControls so much of your life is a problem. The fact that she can get violent is a problem, and her now threatening you is a major problem.
Run.
No. I have OCD, and that perspective she had about the wrists as her response was not a healthy approach to the situation. Though your response wasn’t perfectly helpful or communicative of what you probably meant either. Sounds complicated and deeper.
Honestly, you need to feel safe in your relationship.
To a certain degree, it doesn’t matter if she meant it as a threat or not, if you don’t feel safe you need to remove yourself from the situation.
You are setting yourself on fire to keep her warm.
Leave. If she really gets help and makes progress, you can reconsider. Your safety counts too.
Youre leaving some of the story in the dark, why? This is anonymous. I have OCD and if *the item* was like a bag of poop i would absolutely lose my mind.
Threats arent justified tho, thats for sure. You shouldnt have to deal with someone with severe OCD if you dont feel like you can or want to. Also she got physical eith you which isnt ok
So she made a false accusation against you like 4 times saying you hurt her?
The word gets thrown around a lot, but this is literally gaslighting. Perception is reality, and this is her reality now, that you are an abuser.
Don’t fall for the 10 year sunk-cost fallacy. Protect yourself and plan your escape. Put up cameras in your living areas in the meantime.
Just because she has ocd doesn’t mean it excuses this behaviour.
Op.
She *clawed* you. Game over. Everything past that was just icing on the abuse cake.
Leave.
“I didn’t make a big deal when you hurt my wrists earlier.” – This is hard to extrapolate if it was a threat or not. Based on the phrase alone she is stating when you grabbed her wrists it hurt and she didn’t make a big deal over it. She didn’t mention cops or reporting here. She probably was deflecting and downplaying her actions, from the way she was clawing at your wrists. In the heat of the moment what you said to her, she may have taken as a potential threat that the cops would be involved and it may result in her being arrested. Kind of hard to say. HOWEVER, she does need professional help and I would truly consider is this *high risk* type of relationship is something that is beneficial for you as a person as well.