E.g. “I have a fiery personality” or “I’m (insert ethnicity), we’re all like that” or “I’m just hot headed”. I’ve seen a lot of guys dealing with straight up abusive women, and the way that it’s minimized like this seems to be such a big commonality.

41 comments

  1. My favorite one is hearing her say, “Happy wife, happy life” as though catering to her every whim will bring joy to his life. This never seems to consider what he wants – and it’s not usually sex.

  4. Her: “Every single man is creepy and abusive and I wish we could kill them or enslave them or something”

    Me: “…”

    Her: “oh no not you baby, I’d keep you around. Like my pet!”

    Like I get it when women say “all men”, it’s like treating every gun like it’s loaded. I really do get it. But when you’re dating someone that constantly says shit like that it really gets to you

  5. “But Im so little and your so big and stwong, its okay for me to take swings at you when Im mad because it wont huwt youu” Like nah bitch, the only thing you hittin is the bus stop 🤣

  6. Eh for me it was using the shroud of “mental illness, physical ailment’s” things that if you challenged directly you’d be labeled as an asshole. So yes… at first these things seemed cute (in a sense of how you view a victim in a way as someone to protect) but overtime I noticed it really was just an excuse of abusive and manipulative behavior. Kinda unfortunate because I don’t like invalidating someone’s mental/physical struggles

  7. ‘If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best’

    Honey you’re only at your worst. And your best is when you are sleeping.

  8. It was always my fault somehow, she’d never take ownership of her emotionally abusive ways.

    “I’m not the problem, you just need to change”

    My favorite was getting mad at me for being close to my dad when her dad wasn’t in her life. She cut him out because he cheated on her mom, causing the divorce.

  9. “This is how I am and treat everyone. Guess you dont like me for me”

    Edit: looks like a lot of people have heard this one haha.

  10. “I’m a strong woman, and I need a man who’s capable of handling me” 😂😂

  11. “I just wear my heart on my sleeve”.

    Translation: “I’m going to get absolutely pissed at any minor inconvenience and it’s your fault that I feel that way”.

  12. Not a woman I’ve dated but my boss…

    “Just so YOU know, everything I do is for YOU”

    When presenting any constructive feedback “I feel very disrespected that you don’t think I have your best interests at heart”

  13. It wasn’t cute. But her justification was I annoyed her. Hit me In the face with her text book because I snored. She got a fork red hot and burnt my arm again in my sleep. I honestly can’t remember the actual reason she said. But it was because I made her mad by doing something.

    She was the kinda person who would get mad about something and react to it a day or so later. So she would be mad at me because I forgot I tripped on her shoes the day before. She was great

  14. “It’s just my type of humor”

    Of course that type of humor was only alright when she did it. God forbid I made one joke

  15. I dated a girl in college who would sometimes lose her temper and hit me and throw shit at me. She said that she expected me to do the same to her so it was okay for her to do it to me.

    I don’t know if that qualifies as a “cutesy” way of getting away with it but the way she said it sort of seemed like she thought it was cute.

  16. Her after chastising me for weeks about my hobbies, attire, car, home etc and I finally told her enough is enough: “is just a joke, you need to lighten up or stop making yourself sick an easy target”.

  18. She blamed everything on her Autism.
    I’m someone who is neurotypical so I guess she thought I would buy it. But I’ve spent a lot of my life surrounded by autistic people of all shapes and sizes, they don’t just lash out for no reason or try to manipulate you. Most autistic people I’ve met were so kind and gentle

  19. Paraphrasing something that happened years ago; ‘I just don’t feel good about (other platonic friend of mine). I want you to stop talking to her and block her.’

    Just….no? I’m not going to ghost anyone or step out of a circle of friends for someone I don’t know very well having a bad vibe about them.

  20. “I wouldn’t hit/kick/scream at you if I didn’t think you deserved it”

    Pissed about wokr, hit me in the face. Pissed she took my wallet and didn’t have enough money to buy shit, hit in the face. Had the slightest disagreement with her, kicked or hit.

  23. I did this, when he made a comment to criticize me I would break down and make him comfort me, when really all he did was want communication. I grew up with a narcissistic mom and a father that killed himself because of her. My while life is based on trying to be better.

    Vulnerable ladies: blaming the man for honest communication will lose him. We arnt blameless queens. We need help

  24. “It was just a joke”, “The person telling the joke gets to decide if it was funny”, “That sounds like a *you* problem”

    EDIT – I should say, I never found any of those things ‘cutesy’ – but you know what they say about sticking your dick in crazy.

  25. “If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best”

    Translation: I’ll make your life hell.

  26. “Im having a breakdown” she just turned on me one day. From all lovely dovey one day, to absolutely stone bitch the next. I even hate using the word bitch but its the only word to explain it. I dont see how having a “breakdown” justifies her shitty behaviour but hey-ho im past it and frankly dont care anymore

  27. Not cutesy but the most common: “You shouldn’t have upset me.”

    It’s especially wonderful when they say that after you did nothing to prompt their behaviour.

  28. It isn’t cutesy, but having her bipolar disorder weaponized as a blanket excuse for any and all shitty behavior towards me definitely wasn’t healthy.

  29. Pretty much anytime she was confronted on how she wasn’t holding up her end on the relationship she would pull out a reddit talking point and drop out of the conversation. She had the full arsenal for any amd every scenario.

    Call her out for being emotionally neglectful for months: “I’m a strong independent woman and I don’t need no man”….while not paying her end of bills, no cooking, no cleaning, no helping me anywhere projects needed done.

    Call her out for not contributing to our relationship in any way for months “that’s just what healthy adults do, do you want a sticker or something for doing basic adult chores?”….when again she wasn’t doing anything for us. Everything was for solely her, including her making a meal for 1 (herself) on my birthday while I was off work and home with her.

    I pointed out how she was treating me awful of late and she literally told me “I’m not like the other girls, I’m the prize”….

    While we were in the dating stage I had payed for the last 6 dates, when the agreement was to alternate. I point it out before we even went to go eat since she decided it was date night. She tells me “she was offended that I was keeping track, and she didn’t want to be in a tit for tat relationship”

    She went off birth control for a week while telling me that she was still on it…then was specifically asking for me to finish in her. Made me feel suspicious so I asked her directly when the last time she took a pill was…she answered “you know I forget these things, but trust that I have it in my routine”….then later (sexy time stopped there because I couldn’t get into it) when I asked her about it again she changed her story to “no more than 2 days”….then when I asked to see her pill care she admitted it was a week. When I pointed out that she would have been fertile then, and that she was asking me to finish in her as foreplay. “I’m just a cumslut and you know it”…she hated it. Even the idea of it. She gaslighted me about it often enough that I couldn’t finish with her. When I asked her about what she would do if she ended up pregnant because at the time we were both living at our respective parents and we were supposed to be saving to move in together. She tells me “I would go get an abortion, I’m not ready for a child”…I’m very pro choice but the rest of the conversation showed how I wasn’t worth even being a part of the conversation even in the theoretical that she was to be pregnant by me.

    “I don’t have time to fix a broken relationship”…when she was breaking up with me…despite her having had 80+ hours a week and being called out for it. She worked with him and was talking to him all day on discord while on the clock…they would clock out remain on the same discord chat, start gaming for 8 hours then she would be “too tired” to spend time with me. I called her out on it and sure enough she tells me that she “needed to be able to talk to (emotional affair) for work purposes on the clock”…she was on a completely different project and he was a coder working on independent projects for the company so this was a lie. Then she went on to explain that after work she needed time to get her mind right…meanwhile to me she was eroding the barrier between work and home by the two being interchangeable. She literally sat I’m the same chair in the same location talking to the same dude for 16 hours a day for months, and wondered how work was consuming all of her time. Even when confronted about the emotional affair and her prioritizing him over me all she could say was “he is too young to support me”….but when she left me she bought a house and had him moving in with her on day 1 with her. Her coworkers and her friends all perceive them as a couple. He pays part of her bills from what I’m told. She to this day calls him her “best friend and room mate” to anyone who asks. It’s been over a year since I’ve had contact with her, and a year and a half since she left me to make room for her affair. I can honestly tell you I can’t be happier to be free of her. At the time she meant everything to me, and then and now I meant nothing to her. I learned a lot while we were together, and now I get to move forward with everything I was taught the hard way and forge a life for me, free of any toxic partners…because I will never allow someone to treat me as she did again. She broke me but the growth after I made freed me of her influence and made me a better person, one who recognizes I deserve love and respect.

  30. “Awww, is the little baby boy sad?” Or other similar baby voiced questions.

  31. “i was like that before meeting you i will not change”- stuff like that

  32. “ I just can’t trust you around men and women because you’re bisexual.”

    _then her friends would agree, and validate her toxic bahvior_

    But she could have as many friends as she wanted to and it wasn’t an issue.

  33. Tried to bribe me with blowjobs to get me to do things she wanted to do that I really didn’t wanna do and time-after-time would tell her I *didn’t want to do* and *didn’t like doing*, then would get all upset and other flavors of “emotionally manipulative” when I still wouldn’t Do The Thing.

    My secret?

    Can’t bribe someone with an activity you’re not good at.

    Edit: oh! And I’ve also seen variations of “the [girlfriend/wife] is always right!” (a “happy wife, happy life” concept), “I’m a [horoscope], sorry I act this way!”, or “I have [mental illness], sorry I act this way!”

  34. Anything to do with horological signs or phases of the moon/stars.
    I don’t care if you’re a Leo, a Taurus, or a Hyundai Elantra, you’re still responsible for your effed up behavior.
    Plus when they post stuff about “People hate it when you speak your truth” when in fact they’re just obnoxious or ignorant.

  35. “I’m a Cancer and your an Aries, which is why we get into disagreements”

    The disagreements she wasn’t talking about was her cheating on me.

  36. “I was just joking” or the fake “my tone wasn’t like that, you’re just misinterpreting it as usual. You need to relax” after three or four passive (but even moreso) agressive comments. Then we don’t talk for the rest of the day because “nothing’s wrong.”

    It’s been 20 years. I’m barely hanging on.

  37. Oooh this is fun-

    – “My family all does this”
    – “My exes didn’t mind when I did this to them”
    – “That’s just the way that I am.”

    Pretty rich coming from a girl that kept asking me to change to be a better partner.

  38. In a heated argument when my ex yelled at me “How can you always stay this calm?!” .. Well because i dont use my partner as an emotional door-rug whenever i feel like it.

    THIS COMMENT MAY GET SLIGHTLY OUT OF HAND FROM HERE ON BUT I WANT TO SHARE MY STORY ANYWAYS AS IT CAN SAVE A LIFE ONE DAY. BACK THEN I HAD NO ONE WHO WOULD’VE SAVED MINE. AND IF YOU SEE YOURSELF STUCK IN A SIMILAR SITUATION THEN GET HELP!

    But this wasnt the only thing she didnt or couldnt understand.

    This bitch hit me when all i wanted was to resolve an argument she started, as she almost always did. I kid you not: within the 6 months that we’ve been together (of which the first 2 weeks looked really promissing) there hasnt been a single time where i could voice my concerns, needs nor feelings without her acting up on me by either highjacking my conversation to make it all about her or just straight away turning my conversation against me instead with some tiny things that happend weeks ago.

    Then some weeks later, i’d regulary sneak onto our flat’s balcony at night so i could cry in peace about how lonely/hurt i was/felt. And quite often after that a second round of tears started, because i knew that even if she were to find me like this, it wouldnt change a damn thing.

    No cuddles to calm me, no breast the rest my head on. No uplifting words yet not even the time to atleast sit with me so that i wouldnt have to be feel alone. No promises or excuses. No hope – no love.

    Or another one was when she told me that it “seems like i am not loving you as much as you love me”
    .. And all that only because i wanted her to know that her spontanously hugging me could make my day 👍

    Back then i felt so lucky to have gotten into a relationship again and then even managed to escape the friendzone with her.. pale skin, hourglass shaped and juicy in all the right places, colored hair and with a unique taste in clothing. Basically a big tiddy goth gf before the internet had a name for them.

    But one thing *i learned* is that i underestimated what it would mean to be a partner to someone with Borderline Syndrome. If it wasnt for me being so foolish to believe her “not needing a psychologist as she can handle it herself”.

    Even better is the realisation that my best friend of 10 years shamelessly lied into my face whenever she would have had to put herself in the slightest of a bad light.

    If i would’ve gotten married to her, then it would prob me that would need a psychologist rn. Nah JK she actually got me thinking of suicide within the 6 months. Just be dangling from the ceiling as she gets home as a litte reminder of how far she went above and beyond.

    And yes she has a medical condition. But there are just some things that i cant forgive. If she ever only thought about what was done to me for a single time.. But no. As long as i play the clown that takes care of the house and takes a beating afterwards its all just fine. And in case im not broken by that she would fine something to complain about :)))))

    I mean she developed her condition back when we were just class mates but even after that, she knew what she wanted and how to get it. And she knew what she did when she kept yelling even if i was sobbing and crying already. When she hit me. When she gets home after playing to be more likable.

    As a little fun fact: it took her 4 yrs (rounded down) of total silence from my side until she felt like saying sorry.

  39. She blamed her alcoholism, an abusive dad and an abusive ex. Idk about dad, but that “ex” turned out to be her real bf and they were scamming guys by her getting into relationships with them and then him harassing her like hell for money. I fell for it for years until one day all the suspicious little inconsistencies clicked. But I’ll be damned, she’s still the hottest woman I’ve ever met.

  40. Not dating, but I had a boss who used to yell at employees in front of everyone. It was definitely abusive. And she always justified it by saying that she was a fiery Puerto Rican woman. Gross. Best paying job I ever had, and I quit because of her.

  41. I’m Latina and when I see/hear that shit from my own kind I also run.

    I wouldn’t even want them as a friend.

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