I don’t know how to stop being insecure around my boyfriend and I feel kinda trapped in a self-loathing loop.
So I(25f) have felt ugly since I was a kid and my classmates started bullying me because of my looks. Things got worse when I grew up a little and started to realize that many adults called me ugly too, just on a more polite way.
This last thing keeps happening from time to time, but it just don’t hurt anymore. It has happened so many times that I have grow insensitive to it.
Nevermind, the thing is that I could hide how I felt from almost everyone. I am very accomplished in the rest of aspects of my life (I was part of my High School basketball team, I graduated to of my class, did explendid in college and got a very good job soon afterwards), so nobody really knew I feel like shit.
But one day I just had a breakdown and told everything to my boyfriend. He has tried to helpe but I understood that the only one who can stop me from feeling ugly is myself. Also, constantly calling oneself ugly hurts like a mf.
I have tried to get better and I have made some progress (Gym and skincare have really helped). But then I see my boyfriend and there is like a voice inside my head telling me “pretend all you like, he knows that not so long ago you wanted to go out with a bag on your head”. And I just don’t know how to get out of it.
TLDR: I don’t know how to stop being insecure around my boyfriend