This is an UPDATE to this: [https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship\_advice/comments/uljrr2/woman\_im\_seeing\_27f\_has\_admitted\_she\_has\_feelings/](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/uljrr2/woman_im_seeing_27f_has_admitted_she_has_feelings/)
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I haven’t been overly active on here but somebody DM’d me asking for an update so I thought I may as well throw one up here.
She ended up coming down to talk in the end and explained that these feelings that she described as a ‘crush’ and ‘liking’ him were effectively platonic. (Even though she didn’t seem to know what that means?) but she was quite clear that she doesn’t feel towards him in a romantic or sexual way and that her affection towards her friend is simply because he’s the only real friend she’s got in her life (which tbh is true, she doesn’t really have any friends).
For the most part, I gave her the benefit of the doubt even though a small part of me initially wondered if she was just trying to keep me happy by just saying something that ‘fits’… I suppose it didn’t help my anxieties that she saw the thread!
In any case, there’s been more than a few bitter arguments lately (different issues) and tbh I’ve noticed a shift in how we both talk to each other and don’t like it at all. It’s a world apart from how we’d usually talk about things say months ago.
So thankfully, we’ve both got a bit of space from each other. I wish, I took the advice on here sooner and had the resolve to bring about that space sooner. Hopefully we can even maybe pick things up again where they left off and come back with level heads and lighter hearts.
For the past two days and counting I genuinely feel free and for the first time ever, I don’t actually feel scared to lose her.
If she comes back, she comes back. (Happy days, we move forward) If not, not.
But in due time I’ll regain myself and that is what matters.
I don’t usually do this but thank you to all who gave their input, it was much appreciated.
23 comments
Dude, telling you, this is a dumpster fire. Run
What do you think you should do? Think, young man. Think.
She knows what a crush is. She’s 27, not 5. She has feelings for her friend. If she didn’t have feelings for him anymore, then why even tell you in the first place? You’re a placeholder. She’s hoping that one day he will want to be with her. Find a woman who wants to be with you and doesn’t have feelings for someone else.
Nah dude. You’re 28, you’re young. No need to be putting yourself back into this.
No offence but you must really be desperate and/or not have a lot of dating options if you’re putting this much energy and time into someone you’re merely “seeing” and not even an actual girlfriend or wife lol
She has a crush
He does not reciprocate
That is why things shifted
She believes the grass is greener but she doesn’t have access to the field
Honestly I would just leave her, it would save you alot more trouble than you already deal with. I know it can be easy to not wanna doubt someone you are dating but she definitely has a crush on that friend. The “platonic” crush is just bs cause while there may be friendships where there is platonic affection there isn’t really a thing as a “platonic” crush. Crushes involve at least some kind of romantic attraction even if it’s a little. It’s also weird that she mentioned having a crush on her friend to you despite trying to make it seem like they are just friends, if she didn’t have a crush on him why even mention it in the first place? Trust me, there are way better people out there to discover and it will feel alot better when you don’t have to deal with the stress from your partner.
Bro end it. She’s not that into you. Find someone who is. Don’t be gullible. If he accepted to date her, she wouldn’t be with you.
She calls it a “crush”? How old is she 12? I recommend you moving on from her.
So you’re plan b ….or her 2nd choice?
You deserve better. And certainly deserve a relationship where there is not a ‘another friendship ‘ acting as a wedge.
If she comes back in a month from now and you find out they had sex several times are you still going to take her back? That is what this sounds like to me. She needs space from you to explore her feelings and more with him. She will soon realize that she isn’t compatible that way ( or it would have already happened) and then come back to you as nothing has happened.
Why are you letting her have a sexcation away from your relationship? If you do take her back after this she will learn she holds all the cards in the relationship and will do as she pleases. Not a good dynamic.
Better to just cut your losses and move on to someone without so much baggage
“If she comes back”? Bro… No. The relationship ran its course. No reason to see how it will fail again. You guys were fighting after just a few months… My wife and I barely had clothes on the first few months. Move on.
Someone can have feelings for more than one person at once, and if she says it’s just a crush, than that’s all it is. It’s easy to get attached to someone more intimately if you rely on them for moral support or have known them a long time, and it’ll most likely pass. But if you don’t feel like you want to be with her or she doesn’t with you, talk to her about it. It’s better to have hurt feelings now but be friends later rather then be saddled with a relationship that’ll end in both parties feelings hurt.
Plan B?
I would get in touch with her crush and tell him to ask her out. If she says no, then she’s telling the truth and you can keep dating her on a clear conscious and not have to worry about this guy or if youre a backup. If she says yes, then she already was pining for him and you wouldve never had a good relationship with her anyway. Either way, she’ll end up with the guy she really wants to be with and youll have figured this out
All I can say is bloody hell, the update was more interesting than the original thread it seems!
>I genuinely feel free and for the first time ever, I don’t actually feel scared to lose her.
I think this is your answer that this relationship wasn’t working, though I guess you guys didn’t even call it that which to me at least is very odd after 7 plus months of dating monogamously. I mean at that point it is just a fear of labels which is usually attached to some form of commitment issues or general uncertainty in the partner.
Personally, I’d let this go and not look back because if you feel free and don’t feel scared to lose her, then I don’t think you loved her.
Dude, have some self respect. Shes walking all over you.
I don’t know dude if that’s the case I would end it now, because don’t think that she won’t ever or he won’t ever regardless if she’s Married , Dating or whatever If he knows that he has a chance then there’s nothing you can do..
>For the past two days and counting I genuinely feel free and for the first time ever, I don’t actually feel scared to lose her.
Go with this gut instinct … she is unhappy and you can’t fix it.
Her friend is an orbiter waiting for a chance. He finally hit the right note with her and she saw him differently. She wanted to pursue a relationship with him but you were in the way. Now that you guys are taking a break she’s with him. This should not be a surprise to you. It won’t work out. It never does. An orbiter only goes after a taken woman. Never a single one. They are all about the chase. Once they catch what they were chasing they lose interest. Not as much fun when you’re the one they’re complaining about. lol. Please don’t take her back. She doesn’t deserve you. Good luck
>If she comes back, she comes back. (Happy days, we move forward) If not, not.
Dude, don’t stick around as her backup plan while she is out sampling new dick.
Sooo she’s getting dicked down by her crush while on break? I’m sure that’ll go over great when she tries to get back together