Me (F28) and my friend (F28) have been friends for around 12 years. You could say we’re best friends. We went to college together, lived across the hall from each other, and lived in another country together. We used to text each other every single day. Sometimes simple silly things, to deeper conversations. A few years ago, she moved across the country for a job, and once a year I would go visit her and stay with her for a few days.
Around 2 years ago, she got a boyfriend and they now live together. I’ve met him and he’s really sweet and they’re good for each other. They both have very demanding and high paying jobs. She started texting me less after getting into this relationship, but we would still communicate weekly. But the last time I went to visit her, I could definitely feel the distance. I felt like I was intruding on their new life in their space.
Now the texts have gone down to maybe once a week or less. I feel like I hardly hear from her anymore. Even if she texts me first or brings up a conversation topic, the conversation will die after I respond. Surely she can’t be that busy to respond to a simple text. I’ve stayed with her, I know her routine. We’re best friends right?
I don’t feel valued in this friendship anymore and I feel like I’m the only one trying to keep this friendship alive. I’ve gone through friend breakups before and it’s left me feeling sad, isolated and alone. I know she has too, because we talked about this in the past, and said we would never do that to each other, but here we are.
I also have a boyfriend of 6 years but we don’t live together. I work a decent job but my salary is not at high as hers. One of my thoughts is that her life is moving at a different pace than mine, and she’s leaving me behind because I no longer fit in her lifestyle. She moved across the country, lives with her boyfriend, has her own place, where I’m still living with my mom in the city we were born. Now that’s not to say I haven’t tried to make changes in my life – it was that job that got her all these opportunities to have a new life, and I’m so happy for her because it’s made her a much better version of herself, and has allowed her to do things she wouldn’t be able to do at home.
I really don’t want to lose this friendship. I don’t think I have it in me to have a new best friend again. Do I just cool it with the texting and wait for her to come to me? Do I say something to her? Do I wait until she comes back to the city to say something in person?
Editing to add that it was recently my birthday and she was supposed to be in town, but couldn’t make it due to work. Fine, no problem. But I had planned a party and asked everyone to RSVP a week before so i could plan out numbers for food, etc and she just didn’t RSVP until 3 days before the party. It’s fine if she wasn’t going to be able to make it, but I just needed her to communicate that with me in a timely manner.